Planet Football: So, there was Celtic's Polish goalkeeper Artur Boruc having a chat with supporters from his former club, Legia Warsaw, in a questions and answers session back home. Naturally enough Boruc assumed he was safe to speak his mind, that, surely, no one back in Glasgow would ever get wind of his comments. And what did he have to say?

(1) "(John) Hartson is the laziest player I've seen. When you look at him you can easily see he needs some exercise."

(2) "There's no comparison between Legia and Celtic supporters. I would give a lot to see 50,000 Legia fans in Celtic's stadium. During the game I feel like I'm in the theatre or cinema. People come to the stadium and pick their nose."

(3) "The level of goalkeeper coaching at Celtic is much lower than with Legia. I have to obey their orders and as a result I'm getting fat. It's very poor but what can I do?"

(4) "I've seen many players like him (Roy Keane) - he just behaves like a star."

(5) "Scottish women? They are not very pretty."

And how did Celtic hear of Boruc's comments? Because, eh, they appeared in yesterday's Scottish Sunday Mail.

Quotes of the week

"When it doesn't rain, it pours."

- Ex-Middlesbrough defender Colin Cooper speaking on BBC Radio 5 Live. That's a strange climate he lives in.

"I feel like Jesus Christ when he was being persecuted. In 1994 the Brazilian press said I was too young, in 1998 I couldn't cross, in 2002 I didn't know how to defend and now they say I'm too old. Who knows what they will say in 2010."

- Brazilian defender Cafu, feeling a touch picked on.

"Liverpool can play for only five minutes and win the game, that's the way they are. They pump the ball into the box and with good set-piece delivery they keep you under pressure."

- Alex Ferguson graciously accepting defeat at Anfield.

"I think they would face taunts if they came out. Obviously there's going to be gays in every walk of life. We never had any at our club - I don't think I'd get in the communal bath with them anyway. But everyone to their own."

- Chelsea legend and broad-minded chap, Peter Osgood.

"It's ridiculous, he knows we need him. He knows he should have been here Tuesday and not to tell bullshit stories to everybody. He has totally no respect for anyone. If I was a player, not a manager, I would kick him in his balls."

- Stoke's Johan Boskamp welcomes Sammy Bangoura back (late) from the African Cup of Nations.

"French football is more composed, more intelligent and more tactically aware . . . West Ham were the last straw. They took me for a . . . I can't even put a name on it. I know what I saw for six months. I was sickened."

- David Bellion, on loan at Nice from Manchester United, hinting he wasn't a happy Hammer when on loan at Upton Park.

It's a date

"I said to my wife, 'come on, it's Valentine's night, I will take you out somewhere special'," said Charlton supremo Alan Curbishley of his beloved Carol last week. Bless him, the auld romantic fool. So? "So I took her to Brentford against Southend.

It only took two-and-a-quarter hours to get there, but she enjoyed it because we were not involved and it was no pressure," he said. "She does like watching football - but not us, probably a bit like a lot of our fans at the moment." Carol? Time to hand in a transfer request.

More quotes of the week

"I know Juve have been watching me. I'm very pleased about that. I've got a contract with United until 2010 but my future actually belongs to God."

- Cristiano Ronaldo. Is God his agent or Alex Ferguson?

"Given that Merthyr target Paul Gascoigne is reputedly on the verge of bankruptcy, how appropriate that the Welsh club's director is a chap named Owen Money."

- As noted by Football 365.

"We have no technical players, we have no skilful players, we have the kind of player who kicks the ball and runs. Robben, Duff, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Lampard. We have no technical players because we have no technical players. We need a potato field, so we play in a potato field."

- Jose Mourinho. Who else?

"If you watch Chelsea they play such boring football you could doze off."

- Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas

"Chelsea had losses of £140 million. Only the clubs with a good sporting and economic balance should be allowed to play for the European Cup."

- Bayern Munich general manager Uli Hoeness. Hear, hear - chuck them out of the Premiership too. And the FA Cup.

"I don't get paid much and I have a crap car, but I am happy. I could go to another club where the chairman might buy the players who earn millions and wear big watches which would make me very unhappy. Here I can do things my way."

- Martin Allen, happy managing Brentford players and their little watches.

Spitfires for Germany

Please tell us that this yarn doing the cyberspace rounds is not true: hundreds of England football fans will arrive in Germany in June armed with . . . inflatable Spitfires. "You mean Spitfires, like those from the war," asked a spokesman for the German World Cup organising committee when told of the plan.

"No. This is not a good idea at all. They might seem a joke but could be seen as inflammatory," he said.

There's an idea - shoot them down in flames as they make their way over the English channel.