TV VIEW: Brazil to reach the final? You'd imagine so. As Dave Bassett once put it, "it's just a case of crossing the 'Is' and dotting the 'Ts'."
Although, after hearing Tel Venables previewing the game the night before on ITV, one wondered if the middle bit of Brazil's rearguard would have its mind on the job. "Gilberto's therfe to look after the shop while the centre halves are bonking on," he told us.
No, trust us, he didn't say "bombing", we checked the tape. Several times. Hardly surprising, then, that this Samba Sofa worried for its treasured Boys in Blue (and Yellow) ahead of the game, especially as they would be reduced to a mere two "R"s.
True, they could read with Ronaldo, rite with Rivaldo, but, without the suspended Ronaldinho, would their rithmetic add up? No counting chickens, then, especially when Turkey were the opponents, and, as Ian Wright Wright Wrightie warned the Beeb's viewers, Hakan Sukur hadn't scored a goal in the entire tournament. So, "He's well overdue - they might have to induce him, I fink," he said, applying his forceps to an already laboured point.
Mind you, there really wouldn't have been too many objections from this neighbourhood if the Turks had prevailed - for two reasons. (1) We had staked €1, at odds of 1-10,000,000,000, on the chances of every newspaper in these islands carrying a headline of "Turkish Delight" if they beat Brazil, (2) We have a soft spot for underdogs, those folk who nobody fancies come World Cup time.
Speaking of Sky. Yes, they carried ads in May advertising the summer's f football event as their Indoor Masters' tournament, starring wrinklies considerably less fit than you and me (and Ma, that's saying somefing) but we forgive them - not least because they provided us with our very favourite World Cup moment: when Kenny Sansom told them that he believed "the midfield partnership of Scutt and Boles can win it for England". Oh yes. We haven't up it made.
Yesterday? Sky News found itself in Bar Salsa, in deepest London, watching Brazilians watching Brazilians watching the World Cup semi-finals in Saitama. It was a marginal improvement on the day before when the best they could do, ahead of the Germany v South Korea semi, was to interview Renee Hiddink. Renee isn't the South Korean coach. But his brother Guus is. "That'll do for now," said Sky, "although it'd be lovely if we could actually win the bloody rights to show the bfloody tournament next time around - we're talking humiliation-a-rama here."
Not that Bill O'Herlihy was boasting. "Good afternoon - Day 27," he greeted us. That's Day 27 of live coverage, or "loive" as the Après Match lads might put it, in their routinely and preposterously magnificent fashion.
Match time. The only discordant note came from Darragh Maloney and Motty Motson's pronunciation of Saitama. "Sai-ta-ma," said Darragh. Think Kil-ti-magh and you're there.
Meanwhile: "Sigh-tama," said Motty. Who do we trust? We go for Darragh, largely because he hasn't got much wrong in this World Cup.
But what about Hasan Sas? "Sas or Sash or Shash," asked Al Hansen. "It's Shash," said Gary Lineker. "I was in a Turkish restaurant recently and they told me that's what you call him." Grand. Except every time Motty referred to "Shash", Trevor Brooking felt obliged to talk about "croshes" from the left or right.
Trev also seemed concerned about Sas/Shash's will to live. "I thought he was going to shoot himself," he said when the Turk attempted to present Sukur with a goal on a plate after 33 minutes. Second half? "That was a wonderful run by Sas, he wanted to shoot himself but got caught in two minds," he said.
Second half. A two per cent fit Ronaldo scored the winner. Despite that hairdo. "I think his battery ran out," said Gilesie, when asked by Billo to comment on the fringe-only-bit-leftover style.
Or, as Rufus put it when he voted in Brazilian newspaper Folha de SP's online poll (result: 79 per cent thought it was "awful"): "Doesn't he have a mirror in his bedroom?" (His silver boots were impressive, though, even if Gaz Lineker thought "you could bake your potatoes in them").
"It's the World Cup final that a lot of people wanted," lied Motty. "Absolutely phenomenal," said Al Hansen, describing a second half that most Samba Sofas thought was, well, a bit ordinary.
"Will it be an open, expansive final," Billo asked Liamo. "The Germans are playing, Bill," said Liamo. And Billo's face, by the look of it, took that as a "no". Back on Sky they tracked down the one and very only Carlos Alberto. "We have to play better, better, better in the final," he said, "but I be scared of Germany."
Newsreaders nod solemnly. Back on the Beeb, Wrightie expressed the hope that "the Brazilians will give them a right good hiding". Don't get it. Is there a history between the Germans and the English, or what?
