A round-uip of today's other stories

Gee, thanks

"If there was no good football or no bad football you'd have a Douglas and a Carsley in every team in the world."

- Johnny Giles, in two minds about the quality of Ireland's engine room after the 1-0 win over Wales at Croke Park.

"Now that Nos has switched to centre back he's got much less time on the ball, which is best for all concerned."

- Roy Keane, somewhat relieved his former full back Nyron Nosworthy is spending less time in possession this weather.

Fate tempted

"I want our fans to be happy and for them to enjoy the experience of being at Old Trafford. I would appeal to them to just enjoy the performance we intend to put on for them."

- Francesco Totti, just ahead of Roma's 7-1 setback at Old Trafford.

"We have looked at his goals. They often come randomly. He has scored from some mistakes. He runs around a lot to try and get the ball, but he would probably not be in the Swedish squad."

- Swedish goalkeeper Andreas Isaksson when asked about the danger posed by Northern Ireland's David Healy. Two goals later . . .

With all due respect

Gabby Logan: " What about Manchester City? Would you be interested in becoming manager there?"

Sven-Goran Eriksson: "Manchester City? No. I am interested to have a good football team next season."

"I have accepted that the remainder of my career will be at smaller clubs. Aston Villa is perfect for me."

- Martin Laursen endears himself to the Villa Park faithful.

"Reports that I'd move to Tottenham are wide of the mark. If I had to leave Real, I'd choose to join another big club."

- Real Madrid's Robinho deletes Spurs from his list of destinations.

"When I left Fenerbahce, I would have liked to join a big club. That's not been possible."

- Nicolas Anelka, agog at the prospect of joining Bolton Wanderers.

Mystifying maths

"He crossed nine balls during the game, which was double anyone else."

- Steve McClaren congratulates Stewart Downing on putting in four-and-a-half more crosses than anyone else.

"The 2,000 away fans will be unhappy. In fact half of them have gone - there's only 500 left."

- Chris Waddle, in desperate need of an abacus.

It's so hard to be humble

"I know there will be a lot of fans who would love Neil Warnock as their club's next boss."

- It could only be . . . Neil Warnock.

"I'm aware that I'm on the wanted list at a number of big clubs, but specifically Chelsea, and I regard that as only natural."

- Marcello Lippi, hiding nothing under his bushel.

Let's hear it for the new boys

"If we don't change things right now and understand how crucial this moment is, we will waste another one or two months on two or three targets and we'll start having to sign third-choice players again."

- Rafa Benitez gives a big thumbs to up his more recent purchases, Bellamy, Gonzalez, Pennant and Co.

" We've not brought quality in . . . we can't gamble on players who have scored six goals in six games in the Pontin's League or in Belgium."

- Joey Barton, somewhat questioning the quality of Manchester City's transfer market dabbling.

There are no easy games

"San Marino are going to be a handful as the group goes on . . ."

- Steve Staunton, after Ireland's 2-1 thrashing of the team that previously lost narrowly to Germany (13-0).

" Madam, It is difficult to play well against poor opposition, but San Marino tried their best. Yours, etc"

- Colman O'Neill, writing to this very paper. Ouch!

Tribute gone awry

"He can get young players who are upstarts, boisterous boys, and bring them under his wing and make good players out of them. Look at Wayne Rooney? If he had stayed in Liverpool he might be in jail by now."

- Bruce Grobbelaar compliments Alex Ferguson, and in the process loses every friend he ever had on Merseyside.

Begging to differ

"He bears comparison with the incomparable George Best."

- David Pleat on Cristiano Ronaldo.

"Cristiano Ronaldo is a puffball who's never done it on the big occasion."

- Alan Shearer. Na, Eamon Dunphy, need it be said?

You heard right

"Some of the managers I've dealt with have been pure class - David Jones at Cardiff, George Burley, Mick McCarthy."

- Roy Keane. Seriously.

" I always knew one day I would not be a champion."

- Jose Mourinho. Honest.

In the boardroom

"I am not a cashpoint machine. Do you think you can stick a card in my mouth and cash will come pouring out of my a***?"

- Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan responding less than positively to manager Peter Taylor's request for transfer loot.

"In some respects I don't have any regrets. In other ways, I did blow £40 million, lost my wife, everything I had and was made to start from scratch."

- Mark Goldberg reflecting fondly on his time as Crystal Palace owner.

Lest we forget

"Today will live with them for the rest of their lives. Well, at least through the summer."

- Jamie Redknapp, almost forgetting footballers have short memories.

"People forget he's only 20."

- Ex-Fulham manager Chris Coleman, forgetting Liam Rosenior is 22.

And those we loved

"We looked world beaters going forward - and panel-beaters when defending."

- Paul Jewell, now ex-Wigan manager, swooning all over his back four.

" I was in a barbers in Moss Side when my mobile phone rang. This voice said, 'This is Steve McClaren here,' so I just said, 'Yeah, whatever' and hung up."

- Happily for Manchester City's Micah Richards McClaren rang again to tell him about his England call-up. A close shave, though.

" Arsenal are like lounge lizards: plenty of movement but they don't score too often."

- Bill O'Herlihy leaves Gilesie, Dunphy and Co speechless.

George Hamilton: " Agahowa is having a nightmare."

Jim Beglin: "I don't think he's playing that well, George."

"Everyone in the men's side is delighted and we hope they go all the way."

- Steve McClaren's attempts at congratulating England's women on qualifying for the World Cup are drowned out by the giggles at the back.