Gemma Tiptonvisits the Farnham Arms Hotel in Cavan
The sorts of hotels we have are, in many ways, up to us. The same is true for coffee shops, restaurants and even airlines. I was never more aware of this than while recently on my way to Cavan. Fancying a stop for a cup of tea, I drove past many enticing-looking coffee shops in towns that are soon to be bypassed. But each time, I'd think "too much hassle" and instead I did what I often do, which is pull into a generic petrol station for a bland vending-machine cappuccino and a run to their chilly loo. Getting back into the car, I realised that this sort of stop, while convenient, impoverishes the soul. It was a realisation made more forceful by the depressing thought that if all the nice little coffee shops between Dublin and Cavan were to close, it would be my fault. This is, of course, not true, but the more we go for the obvious, the less idiosyncratic and genuinely local places there will be. Equally, even in these straightened times, or perhaps especially in these straightened times, if we want small local businesses to survive, we need to support small local enterprises, even if they are a tiny bit more expensive.
Having thoroughly beaten myself up en route for my contribution to the demise of "real Ireland", it was with a small sense of self-gratification that I checked into the Farnham Arms on Main Street in Cavan. The Farnham Arms is one of those hotels that has been in the same family for ages, and its bar, the Percy French, has been part of Cavan's social life for a long time. In choosing the Farnham Arms you don't get a spa and a swimming pool, but neither do you experience any lurking qualms that your money is going directly to a large hotel chain's head office in some distant country. There are some other lurking qualms though, because that's the other thing about real Ireland - it might not be generic, but neither is it always the safe choice.
The foyer of the Farnham Arms was bright and inviting, but the flowers on the desk had died some days ago. You pay your bill in advance (which I didn't mind as it wasn't expensive), and then get into the lift, which oddly enough has buttons for nine floors, even though there are only three. It all felt a bit surreal, a feeling that grew when I got to my room. It was extremely pink, and contained a broken mirror and a light that flickered on and off in the kind of way that if it was a hotel room in a film, you would be silently screaming at the hero (or heroine) to get the hell out of there. But I didn't, of course, and instead turned the offending light off (there were several non-flickering alternatives), made a cup of tea, and lay back on the perfectly comfortable bed to indulge my secret vice: watching America's Next Top Model, on the small television.
Later I met a friend for a drink and some bar snacks downstairs (all good). Back in my room, and cosy and warm against the bitter cold outside, I fell asleep musing on what I'd change if the place were to suddenly become mine, and despite the shortcomings I'd found on arrival, the answer was: not much.
The location is ideal, it's right on the main street, with a car park at the rear, so you can go for drinks and dinner in town and have no concerns about getting back again. The public areas are fine too, though I'd replace the dead flowers, obviously. I'd take some of the extreme pinkness out of the bedrooms (or maybe they're not all pink), and give them a little TLC, fixing broken mirrors and dodgy light fittings. I have a feeling that all the rooms are different from one another, as it's not a new-build, identical-pattern hotel, but my bathroom was enormous and spartan, and so felt quite unwelcoming.
There is also an odd arrangement whereby you need to put your key into a socket to work the lights, but you also need it to press a button on your door to work the security lock, and this is a little tricky to do in the pitch dark (as the lights go off as soon as the key is removed).
Breakfast was excellent, cooked to order, and served by a lovely motherly lady who called me "pet". Lovely motherly ladies should be warned, however, that not everyone likes this treatment. I was telling a male friend of mine, and he said: "She'd better not try it with me, I'm nobody's bloody pet."
I took a peek at my fellow guests, and decided that most were regulars. In my quest to save real Ireland, I'd be inclined to become a regular too, but only if they'd meet me halfway and add those little extras that you'd give up the spa and the swimming pool for: thoughtfulness, the personal touch, a sense of location, and just a little more TLC and attention to detail.
• WhereFarnham Arms Hotel, Main Street, Cavan (049-4332577, www.farnhamarmshotel.com).
• What:family-run hotel in the town centre.
• Rooms:32 rooms.
• Best rates currently:€69 BB midweek, double for €99. Two nights BB plus one evening meal €155 pps at weekends, €120 midweek.
• Restaurant and Bar:Percy French bar, with bar food. Lough Key restaurant, plus carvery restaurant.
• Access:two wheelchair accessible rooms.
• Amenities:central location, car parking, conference room.