Howaya? Ah, good morning. A fine day it is too. How are you this weather?
Grand, not a bother. Listen, you're a civilised fella, answer me dis. How long d'ye normally have ta wait afore ye can start speakin' ill of de dead?
Ah, if I know you at all, you are referring to Mr Haughey? It's been a few weeks now since he went to the Great Tax Haven In The Sky.
Is dat long enough for puttin' the boot in?
Technically, I daresay you are safe. But why the bile? Didn't Haughey do many wonderful things? I, for one, wouldn't have the job I have now without CJ. And we'd still be bobbling about in donkey carts if it weren't for him, rather than traversing the land on state of the art motorways in fine German cars.
Ah, don't you start on abou' de free bus passes.
But didn't they revolutionise the lives of many people?
Arra, how bleedin' magnaniomous of De Squire. Be serious, man. Ye honestly want me to be grateful dat my Ma was standin' in de rain wit de bus pass while he was swannin' past in a fleet of bleedin' chauffeured limos paid for by dacent folk's back-breakin' work? Ye want me to be grateful for dat?
Well
Not a chance. I hate de way peeple tink de sun shone ou' of him for stuff like dat'. Corporation tax and widow's rights and de bleedin' peace process. Jaysus, wasn't he only doin' his bleedin' job? Isn't dat what he was voted in fer? People didn't vote for him just cos dey taught he deserved a pile of loot from dodgy blokes, did dey?
I suppose not, although sometimes one has to wonder. It always astounds me how being venal somehow ranks as an achievement in certain people's eyes.
Listen, dere's a fella round de corner from me in Artane. Never hurt a fly. Worked hard all his life fer de council, fixin' de lectrics in people's gaffs. Never got nuttin' but a paycheck for doin' it. Few punters tried to slip him a few bob to pull strokes for dem, get dem up de queue an' dat. He wouldn't take a shillin'. Always said no, I treat everyone de same.
Sounds like a fine, honourable gentleman indeed. Yer not wrong dere, a sound man all told. Poor fecker died last nigh' from cancer. Now tell me dis - d'ye reckon he'll get a State funeral? Do ye?
No, I can't imagine he will.
Too flippin' right he won't. And now dere's talk of namin' de Port Tunnel after Haughey? I'll tell ye now, dey'll have to drive de feckin' trucks over me and hundreds of udders if dey try dat stroke, mark me words.
If you think about it, it would be quite ironic to name it after Haughey. I thought you'd appreciate the humour.
Yer wha'? I'm not follyin' ye at all.
Well, it's a big hole where millions of euro went, never to return. What was it that Martyn Turner said in The Times? They both shook the foundations of north Dublin, cost billions, bypassed normal routes and their activities need illumination? I think that was it.
De Times? Never read it. Reactionary rag. More of a Guardian man meself. But I get yer point.
In addition, is there not a long tradition of naming public edifices in honour of notable Dubliners? I do believe there was a Dublin bridge recently renamed in honour of Samuel Beckett.
An' about bleedin' time, eh? Wha' were dey waitin' for? Hehehe, d'ye geddit?
I do indeed. Very droll.
Ah, here's my bus now. To be honest, I've been enjoying our little chat, I'd much rather stay than go to my job in that silly interminable tribunal in Dublin Castle. I don't want to go. I can't go on. I'll go on.
I geddit, very clever. It's all a load of Krapp, eh? Good man yerself, see ye next time.
Indeed you will.
