This world looks and feels different. Lots of new ways to do things. New rules.
People feel uneasy and don’t know how to react. Glued to their television screens, phones, radios, to find out what these new rules are, to seek help and guidance in these strange times.
Everything is different.
People are scared.
They want to see their friends, their family, their work mates. Many are not allowed. They must stay home. They don’t think it is fair that some others get to do these things, but they understand because it is dangerous. They feel this danger anytime they have to go outside.
Suddenly, they can see and hear things that they never noticed before! For some that don’t follow the new rules according to the opinion of others, they can feel the stares, hear the mumblings and unkind words and they see the finger of judgment pointing at them. Their cheeks show their embarrassment as they quickly exit the area. They feel judged even though they tried their best to do what is expected. They will try to follow the rules correctly tomorrow and will try again. Some succeed, some don’t.
Standing in line they know if someone is too close because, where they couldn’t before, they can now smell them, feel them, even though they are not touching. Their heart begins to race. They worry about what might happen if the other person gets too close. Maybe nothing but they know there is a risk. They begin to wonder if it is worth it? Is this journey essential? A million thoughts run through their heads and their heart begins to race. They start to sweat and feel uncomfortable. They are angry. Angry that they have been put into this situation without any help, except for the statements made via the media.
Home now. The shopping trip was stressful. They turn on the television.
Some woman is talking about how she misses her grandchildren. She misses hugging them, spending time with them, socialising with them. It is not that she doesn’t want to do these things. In fact, she wants to do it more than ever. But she can’t! It is too risky. Nobody has thought of a way for her to do it without the risks. It makes her angry. Why can’t she do what she wants to do? These are not terrible things that she wants. She just wants to be able to interact with those she loves. She must now wait patiently until her phase comes. The phase that lets her be with her grandchildren again. It’s almost like a waiting list for those that yearn for help.
For some, this new world with its new rules is welcomed. Self-isolating, only making essential journeys, limiting touch and social interaction, are celebrated. People who do this are now leaders and good examples. People don’t stare or point or say unkind things about those who now follow the new world rules. Some even wonder how they are able to do it so well?
How they are able to follow the new rules that were suddenly implemented without making even one mistake!
But they don’t know you see! They don’t know that for a lot of people this is not a new world.
This is their world. This has always been their world.
The stares.
The unkind words,
The finger-pointing.
The fear of touch.
The anger.
The need for interaction but the fear that prohibits it.
The waiting list for help.
The amazing ability to know right from wrong.
The ability to follow rules correctly.
The self-isolating being a blessing at times and not a burden.
This is not a new world. This has always been my world.
Welcome to my autism!
