"Sometimes you just can't do nothing about anything."

- Big Ron Atkinson's gem on ITV after Barcelona equalised in injury time against Leeds last week.

"I wouldn't touch Stan Collymore with a bargepole - he's as motivated as Gollota was against Tyson. And you thought Sir Matt had problems with me?"

- Hail George Best.

"I feel like Michael Caine in `Zulu'. A pistol in my hand, 16,000 coming over the hill trying to claim my head. I can't shoot all of them so I might as well shoot the three fellas nearest me who are causing all of the problems."

- Crystal Palace Alan Smith manager, em, explaining why he transfer-listed three of his under-achieving players.

"What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio."

- QPR manager Gerry Francis.

"Newcastle is a full-time job. Bobby is on a year's rolling contract which means every day he wakes up, he has a year left."

- Is Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd trying to suggest that Bobby Robson is chronologically gifted?

"Idols and myths grow old and die but their works of art are eternal."

- Tostao's tribute to his former Brazilian team-mate Pele on the occasion of his 60th birthday last week.