Our people in Malawi tell us that Dinner Nathaya made a meal of refereeing the Super League clash between Telecom Wanderers and Silver Strikers last week. Dinner awarded both teams two dodgy penalties and then hit a photographer who tried to take his picture as he left his dressing-room for the start of the second half. Police had to fire tear gas into the crowd as fighting broke out on the terraces following the award of one of the penalties.

Both camps described his performance as "bizarre" and publicly doubted the sanity of FIFA, who recently named Dinner on their refereeing panel. "Officiating in this country has left a lot to be desired in the past but honestly I have never seen anything as bad as this," said Super League chairman Hastings Kapenuka, before personally - and we haven't made this up - driving Dinner to a nearby hospital to have him blood and alcohol tested. Much to Hastings' bewilderment, Dinner was found to be sober and drug-free. Diagnosis? Just another a dodgy ref.