‘We’re from South Dublin – none of us want to work for anything’Honor is rude to randomers on Grafton Street – and Ross has never been so proudSat Jan 27 2018 - 06:00
‘When Dricmas falls on a weekend, people are entitled to the Monday off’Ross discovers that his idea of a Holy Day of Obligation doesn’t quite tally with his bossSat Jan 20 2018 - 06:00
‘To my ears, Irish always sounds like someone is hurting a Norwegian’Ross isn’t on board with Sorcha’s Irish resolution – and it’s about to blow up in his faceSat Jan 13 2018 - 06:00
‘I’m the most high-profile Irish rugby player who never got the Leaving?’Ross gets a surprising phone call – it might be time to break out the ‘flat hat thing’Sat Jan 06 2018 - 06:00
‘Your resolution was to become part of the Irish coaching staff. How did you get on?’Sat Dec 30 2017 - 06:00
‘A three-stor hotel? For me that’s the equivalent of a stable’Ross O’Carroll Kelly goes to Cork and finds there’s no room at the Jury’s InnSat Dec 23 2017 - 06:00
‘Don’t forget to leave a very, very large gin and tonic out for, ahem, Rudolph!’A letter from Santa to a young Ross leaves him a little bit choked upSat Dec 16 2017 - 06:00
‘It’s not a rail extension they should be building, it’s a security wall’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly’s mother puts herself on the line to prevent the Luas routes linking upSun Dec 10 2017 - 16:53
‘Dave came back from that HR course like a soldier who’s been to war and can’t speak about it’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: The man who’s standing in front of us is a shell of his former selfSat Dec 09 2017 - 06:00
‘Sorcha looks at the processed cheese sandwich like it’s John the Baptist’s head’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: She believes processed cheese is a slippery slope to drug addictionSat Dec 02 2017 - 06:00
‘You don’t discriminate. You’re a complete pig to absolutely everyone’Ross gets a pep talk from Honor – but that may not actually be a good thingSat Nov 25 2017 - 06:00
‘I have no prejudices. Except people who aren’t from Dublin’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly has been sent for Gender Attitude Reconditioning. It’s not going wellSat Nov 18 2017 - 06:00
‘I know HR is an actual thing, but I struggle to believe it’s real’How many allegations of sexual harassment are there against Ross O’Carroll-Kelly?Sat Nov 11 2017 - 07:47
‘A brain like tiramisu.’ ‘Multi-layered?’ ‘No, soft and full of custard’Hennessy and the old man have bought Hook, Lyon & Sinker, but the way Hennessy’s talking, it’s not looking like yours truly is their first choice for managing directorSat Nov 04 2017 - 06:00
‘My year in UCD was the happiest three months of my life’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Impeachment of a student officer? In the Orts Block? No waySat Oct 28 2017 - 06:00
‘If I get a slap across the face, it’s time to back off. That’s the feminist in me talking’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: My daughter is doing a Closet Purge for her vlog. It involves petrolSat Oct 21 2017 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: ‘You’re a bloody good estate agent. You lack basic humanity’Sat Oct 14 2017 - 06:00
‘Ross O’Carroll-Kelly? I’m arresting you on suspicion of robbery’There are two goys waiting in reception for me. It’s two – literally – gordaíSat Oct 07 2017 - 06:00
‘This is my actual Dad, Ross: a kind of fat rugby has-been’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: It’s like Honor’s had some kind of, I don’t know, personality transplant?Sat Sept 30 2017 - 06:00
‘Ross, you need to come and see what I found in Honor’s room’‘There could be anything in there: a gun, €100k in cash, one of her teachers gagged’Sat Sept 16 2017 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: 'Her breath could put a hole in Jon Snow's wall'The old dear is absolutely bulling over the surprise 70th birthday party I threw herSat Sept 09 2017 - 05:00
‘It’s the Vico Road. No one around here cleans their own gaff’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I whip out the old Southside Roll then and I peel off a 20’Sat Sept 02 2017 - 06:00
‘It still hasn’t dawned on Sorcha that Honor is the wrong crowd’First day in ‘actual Mount Anville’, but the last thing Honor needs is a chaperoneSat Aug 26 2017 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘The anaesthetist is a total knockout – no pun intended’Ross is going under the knife, but counting backwards from 20 is causing problemsSat Aug 19 2017 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: ‘Public transport is for the poor and fallen’The old dear might be ‘entitled’ to free travel, but that doesn’t mean she wants itSat Aug 12 2017 - 06:00
‘Wait until you’re 15 to drink, like all South Dublin girls’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: I see a photograph of a stripper and a hand offering her $20Sat Aug 05 2017 - 06:00
Ross: ‘Hip replacements are for old people. I’m only 37, Dude’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: 'Ross, you soft-as-shite, south Dublin mammy’s boy'Sat Jul 29 2017 - 06:00
‘The doctor says it’s an old rugby injury – I can’t tell you how proud that makes me’Ross finds the past, and tackles by Jerry Flannery, catching up with himSat Jul 22 2017 - 06:00
‘Chakras? I literally haven’t heard anyone mention them since 2008’With Sorcha away at a Himalyan spa near Drumshanbo, experience tells me to be definitely wary of my daughter HonorSat Jul 15 2017 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: ‘I officially name this Robbin’ Island'I’ve hordly ever seen the old man this excited about something non-rugby relatedSat Jul 08 2017 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly’s wedding-day advice: ‘Don’t get caught’The bridesmaids are like zombie-movie extras who did their own make-up on a moving busSat Jul 01 2017 - 06:00
Ross the boss: ‘You’ve killed 40 people? I have to say, fair focks!’Grievous Bodily Horm just laughs when I explain why I’m leaving his wife’s hotel roomSat Jun 24 2017 - 06:00
‘We’re southsiders ... We’re nice to your face, then say stuff about you behind your back’Cleaning up the mess from Ronan’s latest fling means putting my body on the lineSat Jun 17 2017 - 06:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: ‘Leo went to a second-tier private school’No wonder Varadkar is saying ‘in Ireland it no longer matters where you come from’Sat Jun 10 2017 - 05:00
‘Look me in the eye, Rosser. Did you hab sex with my wife that neet?’That’s not a question you want to hear from a well-known gangland criminalSat Jun 03 2017 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Try not to sleep with gangland killers’ wives’Sometimes the best advice we can give our children is the most blindingly obviousSat May 27 2017 - 06:00
‘The recession was a fluke. No one knows why it happened’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘The boom is back, but this time the decking will be composite’Sat May 20 2017 - 05:58
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: It’s like if Tarantino directed Wind in the WillowsRo and the wife of a gangland criminal are going at it. We’re all focking deadSat May 13 2017 - 06:00
‘I stop seeing them as criminals, and more as a normal family, like the Kordashians’Ronan got to see four of what they call The Big Five – the ex-pat Irish criminals the gordaí would most love to put behind borsSat May 06 2017 - 06:00
‘I hate people talking down the property bubble’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: This one could last six or seven years if we all stop asking questionsSat Apr 29 2017 - 06:00
‘Are there not two Es at the stort of evil? It looks kind of weird with only one’It’s parent-teacher day at Honor’s school - the day I hate more than possibly any otherSat Apr 22 2017 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I push the stick towards him with what resembles a dead rat on the end of it’What was once the old man’s wig now looks like roadkillThu Apr 20 2017 - 16:36
‘Ronan, I’m still terrified of you being sucked into that world of guns, drugs . . . non-rugby nicknames’Forget the housing bubble, the return of the stag weekend in Europe will be all the proof we need that the Celtic Phoenix is an actual thingSat Apr 15 2017 - 06:00
‘I am so excited thinking about all of the people’s lives we can change with this money!’The one day we never mork in this house is April Fool’s Day. And there’s a very good reason for thatSun Apr 02 2017 - 11:31
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Ross will pay it, Shadden. As a matter of fact, Ross will pay for absolutely everything’Shadden and Ronan have signed up for ‘Don’t Tell the Bride’ – much to Sorcha’s disgustSat Mar 25 2017 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I genuinely feel like grabbing that wig right now and focking it in the Liffey’It seems Denis O’Brien and Donald Trump have a problem with my old man’s hairSat Mar 18 2017 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: 'I’m here to watch Denis O’Brien wipe the floor with you'The old man is in court over that wig he’s been wearing – guess whose side I’m onSat Mar 11 2017 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘It’s the Celtic Phoenix, Sorcha. People are thankfully being stupid again’‘As a country, we’re nearly back to where we were in ’03’Sat Mar 04 2017 - 06:00
‘I’ve nothing against the Dublin accent . . . it was invented to allow criminals to talk to each other without the Gords having a clue’How a wedding might bridge the great divide between both sides of the capitalSat Feb 25 2017 - 06:00
‘If you showed Dermot Bannon around the inside of my head, he’d say the design was minimalist’I may have a rugby brain but even I understand what the Celtic Phoenix looks likeSat Feb 18 2017 - 06:00
