“Ross, we need to take Pang to the Beacon – right now!”‘So basically, we cook for her and we bring her to Dundrum Shopping Centre three times a week for light, exercise and mental stimulation. The rest of the time is basically her own. It’s called parenting’Sat Nov 14 2015 - 05:00
'My son’s nickname is Manslaughter. I won’t be mentioning that at Castlerock'‘Dude, I can’t believe that what’s about to happen here is actually legal. It’s basically a bor fight, al fresco’Sat Nov 07 2015 - 05:45
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: “Women are very important to New Republic, Sorcha”“God, I love Miriam Lord! Sometimes something will happen and I’ll be thinking, ‘Oh, dear, what’s our friend going to make of this tomorrow morning? It’ll be something bloody well priceless”Sat Oct 31 2015 - 05:45
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: “Ireland won alright. Which means we’re into the semi-finals of the World Cup!”Sorcha isn’t a big believer in lying to children. She says it shatters their faith in adult authority figures. But I’ve always seen it as a very healthy thingSat Oct 24 2015 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: “A lot of children are just born that way – they’re d**kheads.”Ross needs a new car - it's time to take a trip to see his old manSat Oct 17 2015 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I’m there, “Pang, give me those cigarettes.” She goes, “Get away from me, you racist!”’Honor’s exchange student says children smoking is part of her cultureSat Oct 10 2015 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: When the Tracksuits and Sheepskins collideI don’t think Hennessy was overstating it when he said this was ‘a clash of civilisations’Fri Oct 09 2015 - 18:16
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Conor McGregor has a lot to answer for. Not that I’d say that to his face’To talk Ronan out of mixed mortial orts, I’m going to have to speak his languageSat Oct 03 2015 - 05:27
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘If you bought a gaff in Tenerife, they'd say they bought one in Elevenerife’Honor’s Chinese exchange has a conniption fit in the Villeroy & Boch section of Brown ThomasSat Sept 26 2015 - 05:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I should report you – underfloor heating is a human right’Ability to fake sincerity in any situation is best thing about a south Dublin convent educationSat Sept 19 2015 - 05:45
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I already feel sorry for Honor’s host family in China’‘The birth of my children was the best non-rugby-related thing that ever happened to me. But my daughter moving to the other side of the world for 12 weeks is right up there’Sat Sept 12 2015 - 05:45
RWC 15: Ross O’Carroll Kelly - my life in World CupsThere’s a photo of my old man with Hamilton, who is clearly thinking, ‘Who’s this knob?’Thu Sept 10 2015 - 07:00
Ross does EP (part two): ‘Our daughter . . . is missing . . . at Electric Picnic’We run into the Mindfield area and over to where a humongous crowd is trying to squeeze itself into the tent . . .Mon Sept 07 2015 - 15:49
Ross goes to Electric Picnic: 'I’m not staying in a focking tent'“It’s not camping,” Sorcha tries to go. “It’s what they call glamping!” Honor whips out her phone. “I’m staying in Castle Durrow,” she goes. “It’s what they call five-stor hoteling.”Fri Sept 04 2015 - 12:15
‘People are chanting, “CO’CK for Taoiseach! CO’CK for Taoiseach!” over and over again’Sat Aug 29 2015 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Why don’t you just tell Denis O’Brien’s solicitor that you’ll stop having Denis O’Brien Hair?’“Make it a good letter,” the old man goes. “One of your specials. Lots of forthwiths and hereafters and whatnots. That should wipe the bloody well smile off his face.”Sat Aug 15 2015 - 08:00
‘Whatever you think about two men kicking the humanity out of each other in a cage. . . at least it’s not soccer’Sat Aug 08 2015 - 01:00
Ross O'Carroll Kelly: ‘I've got to stop thinking about my old man as just an ATM''He’s actually more than that – although I probably will ask him for a couple of grand while I have him.'Sat Aug 01 2015 - 01:00
‘We’ve learned our lesson from the Celtic Tiger. Next time it turns to shit, the next boom is only seven years away’Sat Jul 25 2015 - 05:00
‘Mixed mortial orts? For the first time in my life, I suddenly feel like I’ve failed as a father’Sat Jul 18 2015 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You know that smell. You’ve been to Cavistons with your mother’... ‘Yeah, but a whole town that smells like Cavistons? Er, no thanks!’Sat Jul 11 2015 - 05:40
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: ‘I’ve genuinely never seen Sorcha so angry . . .. . . for something other than sleeping with her friends'Sat Jul 04 2015 - 08:25
‘When you’re as rich as we are, you can believe in all sorts of rubbish. That’s why we’re all off gluten’Thu Jul 02 2015 - 11:22
‘Mary Lou McDonald talked like you, Sorcha, until Sinn Féin got their hands on her. Now she could sell bloody fireworks on Mary St’Thu Jul 02 2015 - 11:21
‘It’s hord to describe Manchester . . . Imagine if the Ilac Centre was an entire city and you’re about 90% of the way there’Thu Jul 02 2015 - 11:19
‘Why would I want to date you? I’m already married to you. Would that not be a bit, I don’t know, weird?’“I’d be very surprised if she looked well, Babes. I always thought the girl was bet-down. I hope that doesn’t come across as sexist.”Sat Jun 27 2015 - 00:00
Listen up: ‘My old man’s changed since he found that Denis O’Brien wig. Or everyone else has?’Sat Jun 20 2015 - 03:00
Listen up: ‘I suddenly feel like a man of substance, a man not to be trifled with’Sat Jun 13 2015 - 01:00
Listen up: ‘I watched “The Exorcist” thinking, why can’t we have a nice, normal daughter like that?’Fri Jun 12 2015 - 14:29
‘I had, like, €70 in my pocket to get everything I needed for the week. I literally felt like a homeless person’Sat May 16 2015 - 05:00
‘I turned my head to see the old dear staring at me from, like, 10 feet away, looking like a drag queen being secretly poisoned to death’‘Most of these conversations took place while I was in the cor, driving around like the proverbial blue-orsed fly’Sat May 09 2015 - 05:00
‘A forty-foot fall wouldn’t kill you . . . you’re about 90 per cent rubber from the waist up’Sat May 02 2015 - 01:00
‘Honor told Niall Horan that it didn’t matter how many limos or private jets he travelled in, he’d always have the whiff of the bog about him’Sat Apr 25 2015 - 05:45
‘They’re trying to turn this country’s elite schools into young offenders’ institutions, teaching metalwork and joyriding’Sat Apr 18 2015 - 05:45
‘You know what the guy in the bank said about you Ross? “It’s like he doesn’t have feelings, like someone hollowed out his soul”’Sat Apr 11 2015 - 05:30
‘The boy my daughter has a crush on happens to have a crush on her mother. Like I said, it’s the southside – we have our own ways’Sat Apr 04 2015 - 05:00
‘The common touch? This is a girl who has to stick on the subtitles every time Imelda May is on the TV’Sat Mar 28 2015 - 05:00
‘I laugh, even though I’ve no idea what a mirage is. I was on the senior cup team at school – I can’t emphasise that enough’Sat Mar 21 2015 - 09:29
‘The old dear has set up a Foxrock Chapter of the New Land League to campaign for the Four Fs: a Free House, Fixtures and Fittings and for the banks to Fock Off’Sat Mar 14 2015 - 05:44
‘It’s time for me to act like a proper father... “Your boyfriend has a crush on your mother,” I go. “It’s kind of funny”’Sat Mar 07 2015 - 05:45
“They’ll be earning £100,000 a week for 13 years, then they’ll be thrown on the scrapheap with nothing to show for it”Sat Feb 21 2015 - 05:30
‘Shopping for a cord the night before Valentine’s Day is a bit like dating in your early 40s – most of what’s left out there is wrecked-looking’Sat Feb 14 2015 - 06:00
‘You’re not Eliza Doolittle. You’re Eliza Saylittle. In fact, you’re Eliza Sayfockall’Sat Jan 24 2015 - 06:00
‘My friend is calling over and I don’t want you embarrassing me by being the total and utter knob that you always are’Sat Jan 17 2015 - 05:00
‘Dude, it’s a pair of a chinos and a Leinster jersey – it’s not a pair of rollerblades and a focking tutu’Sat Jan 03 2015 - 01:00
‘Sorcha subtly checks out the female guests, trying to decide which staff member I’m most likely to cheat on her with’Sat Dec 27 2014 - 00:00
