‘How does this sound? The O’Carroll-Kelly Institute of Rugby!’‘Why is there no O’Carroll-Kelly building?’ the old man goes, referring to UCDSat Jan 19 2019 - 06:00
‘Honor can be terribly cruel – it’s hilarious if you’re not the one on the receiving end’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Sorcha’s What Would Jesus Eat Diet lasts a record four hoursSat Jan 12 2019 - 06:00
‘Honor cops me standing there, staring at her with my mouth open, like she’s a dog explaining Brexit’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly discovers his 13-year-old daughter has secretly been driving his BMW X5 for the last two yearsSat Jan 05 2019 - 06:00
Croia called me a gender binarist because of my Goys and Dolls partyRoss O'Carroll-Kelly: If we hadn’t been friends for 20 years, she would have called the GordsSat Dec 29 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Our way of dealing with our children’s anti-social behaviour has been to totally ignore it’Ross and Sorcha are particularly tense watching the triplets in their nativity playSat Dec 22 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I’m sorry but that’s where this Santa Claus draws the line’Ross gets a flashback to his Senior Cup days while filling in for St Nick in FoxrockSat Dec 15 2018 - 06:00
‘Porking in Dundrum is like the Battle of the Bastards from ‘Game of Thrones’’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: We are surrounded by empty spaces but neither of us are giving up this oneSat Dec 08 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘My brain feels like it’s turning into paté’I had to unmute the Mount Anville mothers’ WhatsApp group - I couldn't bear the silenceSat Dec 01 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I swear on my children’s lives I’ve had no contact with Peter Casey’Ireland are beating the All Blacks with 15 minutes to go but everything is kicking off in the old man’s corporate boxSat Nov 24 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Our bogey group should be lactose-intolerant Border-county cyclists’The old man is plotting a fresh course for New Republic given the Peter Casey effectSat Nov 17 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I’m now a member of nine Mount Anville WhatsApp groups’She says, ‘My sister was with Ross once,’ and puts up a picture of a small sausageSat Nov 10 2018 - 06:00
‘Honor was actually conceived in this cor?’ ‘We should push it off a cliff’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Sorcha gets teary about her old Rav4 in Dundrum cor porkSat Oct 27 2018 - 06:00
‘You grew up in south Dublin, but it’s like you arrived from space an hour ago’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: I’m about to get a horsh lesson on how Mount Anville moms’ WhatsApp groups really workSat Oct 20 2018 - 06:00
‘I’m with The Girls. We’re getting along like doughnuts and Blanchardstown’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: Honor has set up a review site, Sorcha tells me. It’s called Rate My PlaydateSat Oct 13 2018 - 06:00
‘There’s a girl who works in the Bailey. And before you say anything, me and you were on a break at the time’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: What would Johnny Sexton do when confronted with plotting a way through Dublin’s no-go areas?Sat Oct 06 2018 - 06:00
‘I had no idea how difficult being a Mount Anville mom was going to be’I’ve joined the WhatsApp group the moms set up, and it is intenseSat Sept 29 2018 - 06:00
‘Limerick’s definitely been tidied up a bit since ‘Angela’s Ashes’’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: I convince the lads to go to Munster to rescue Joey CorberySat Sept 22 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: My sons take after me in their love of being surrounded by admiring femalesThe boys can presumably see that Mallorie Kennedy is a serious, serious honeySat Sept 15 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘If you ask Sorcha how she is these days, she says she’s having a good Q3’'There’s nothing wrong with a woman having a career. I say that as an obvious feminist'Sat Sept 08 2018 - 06:00
‘I suddenly feel like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: It’s portly my responsibility to deal with the triplets’ swearingSat Sept 01 2018 - 06:00
‘‘Goys, this is Tayto Pork!’ The triplets’ faces light up’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Fockers!’ Brian goes, looking forward to releasing pent-up energySat Aug 25 2018 - 06:00
‘A chill goes through my body as I notice her – get this – kissing an actual boy’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Honor lasted the course in the Gaeltacht – and that’s suspiciousSat Aug 18 2018 - 06:00
‘There’s a lot of Oh! My! God!s – even by normal South Dublin standards’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: While Honor’s away, the guests will playSat Aug 11 2018 - 06:00
‘You cried once when Elaine Crowley was on holidays and someone else was presenting Midday’Honor’s off to Irish college somewhere called Tralee – I’m really going to miss the little wagonSat Aug 04 2018 - 06:00
‘Tag rugby is, like, speed dating for South Dublin people’Time for the Rossmeister to show this LinkedIn team what actual rugby isSat Jul 28 2018 - 06:00
‘I’m reminded of an old rugby saying of mine: never be afraid to let the opposition see your abs’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: One by one, I open the buttons of my shirt. Then, I stort unloading the dishwashing, making sure to let him see The SixSat Jul 21 2018 - 06:00
‘The hosepipe ban isn’t for People Like Us. The fine is only €125’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: God, Fionnuala has tipped waiters that for a good MartiniSat Jul 14 2018 - 06:00
‘I considered driving over a cliff just so I wouldn’t have to hear their focking voices’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Tempers fray as the family are landed with some cling-onsSat Jul 07 2018 - 06:00
‘Leo shouts “This is focking bullshit!” and he’s not wrong – 2½ years old or not’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: The family is flying to the south of France. It hasn’t started wellSat Jun 30 2018 - 06:00
‘I’m morking the 20th anniversary of failing my test for the first time’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: I set off for the driving test centre confident it would be 17th time luckySat Jun 23 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Unless it’s escaped your attention, I’m a terrible father’Sorcha’s decided to go back to work, and wants me to stay home to look after the kidsSat Jun 16 2018 - 06:00
‘Are you saying you want me to be one of those stay-in-bed fathers?’While this conversation is happening, I should mention, the triplets are running amokSat Jun 09 2018 - 06:00
‘I’m the best estate agent you have – and that’s not me being big-headed’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: It’s time to learn some crucial differences between GDPR and CPRSat Jun 02 2018 - 06:00
‘If she’s never met a brat like Honor before, she mustn’t be from around here’There has to be a consequence for ruining Sorcha’s royal wedding porty, hasn’t there?Sat May 26 2018 - 06:00
‘Johnny Sexton was basically saying I’m Leinster and Ireland’s unsung hero’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: So I’m lying on the floor in Bilbao airport – in shockSat May 19 2018 - 06:00
‘Ross, Munster isn’t an ethnicity.’ ‘What about Limerick?’ ‘Limerick isn’t either’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: In fact my ancestors – brace yourselves, goys – are from MunsterSat May 12 2018 - 06:00
‘Priced out of Killiney? That’s what you get for choosing an orts degree!’Ross has done a whole series of advertisements for the ‘Irish Times’ property sectionSat May 05 2018 - 06:00
‘Kielys of Donnybrook could be lost forever. Or, worse, turned into a hipster café’Surely Ross can come up with a plan to save a little bit of southside heritageSat Apr 28 2018 - 06:00
‘I’m not posting bail for Conor McGregor. That focker can use his own money’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: Ronan wants to go to New York and hab a woord with his heerdoSat Apr 14 2018 - 06:00
‘People need to realise ‘Room to Improve’ is just a TV show. It’s not reality’Ross realises that Dermot Bannon has warped the minds of his customersSat Apr 07 2018 - 06:00
‘I’ve chosen Vladimir for my Confirmation name. After Vladimir Putin’Sorcha ends up totally losing it with her: ‘You will not stort using it all the time’Sat Mar 31 2018 - 06:00
‘Instagramming your food will result in you being violently removed from the premises’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: Rude restaurants – in Ranelagh – are back and the family has a bookingSat Mar 24 2018 - 06:00
‘Bouncy castles attract undesirables. They’re not for People Like Us’Just when Ross thought there were no more tears, the floodgates open in BucharestSat Mar 17 2018 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Find another sucker – Mother’s Day or not’Ireland are playing Scotland, but I know my old dear well enough to know when I’m being blackmailedSat Mar 10 2018 - 06:00
‘You had three beautiful children, Sorcha. Plus Honor’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: The Mount Anville past pupils breakfast is like LinkedIn with egg-white omelettesSat Mar 03 2018 - 06:00
Grab It, Trouser It and Leg It: a proper name for an estate agentRoss O’Carroll-Kelly: The agency is now rebanding and our Ross doesn’t like it at allSat Feb 17 2018 - 06:00
‘All these years, I’ve taken the rap for being the unfaithful one’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Sorcha’s digging her way through a landfill of old memoriesSat Feb 10 2018 - 06:00
The Gord goes: ‘Do you ever inquire as to what your daughter gets up to online?’‘You’d better look at the video she posted three days ago’Sat Feb 03 2018 - 06:00
