‘My kids are as likely to avail of a third-level education as I am a Leap Cord’Ross O'Carroll-Kelly: Everyone keeps asking what happened to Hoss O'Carroll-Kelly at Leopardstown?Sat Jan 04 2020 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Is anyone going to own up to this Kris Kindle? Is this some kind of joke?’I love playing Santa Claus. The adulation brings me back to my schools’ rugby daysTue Dec 24 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I might be a d**khead – but I’m not an a**hole’The Rossmeister gets into the spirit of the season with a spot of Grafton Street carollingSat Dec 21 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Goys, does Ronan look like he’s actually in control of that horse?’I’m like, ‘What the fock, Ro?’ because I’m suddenly thinking about the 20Ks I’ve just lostSat Dec 14 2019 - 06:03
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘When I say Lapland, I’m not talking about the gentlemen’s club’A surprise trip to take the kids to see Santa Claus does not go according to planSat Dec 07 2019 - 06:03
‘Tubs sees the boys then and – in fairness – he gives them the benefit of the doubt’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Sorcha’s Toy Show dream quickly comes to an end when Ryan Tubridy meets the boys on setSat Nov 30 2019 - 06:00
‘The dude goes, the horse is a maniac. He’s the maddest animal I’ve ever seen’It's decided: our tempermental racehorse is going to be called Hoss O’Carroll-KellySat Nov 23 2019 - 06:00
‘Oh my God,’ Honor goes, ‘there’s a focking horse in the gorden!’Yeah, no, I bought a racehorse, but it’s not for Honor – it’s for my old school’s honourSat Nov 16 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: 'Me and the goys are thinking of buying a horse'All the posh schools have a horseracing syndicate. Why not Castlerock College?Sat Nov 09 2019 - 06:03
‘Center Porcs is kind of like a south Dublin version of The Truman Show’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: A trip to Center Porcs leads to an encounter with one of Sorcha’s frenemiesSat Nov 02 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Ross, it absolutely kills me to say this, but people hate our kids’There’s barely a day goes by when I don’t think, ‘God, what I wouldn’t do for a condom and a time machine.’ But that’s parentingSat Oct 26 2019 - 06:02
‘Munster didn’t beat the All Blacks in 1978. This video proves it’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: What the fock? Did the old man pay someone to fake a video?Sat Oct 19 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘No, Sorcha. I’m going to Japan. The team needs me’The Rossmeister is struck with a sudden case of FOMO with just one phone callSat Oct 12 2019 - 06:04
‘Without the concussions, I wouldn’t have been the rugby player I very nearly became’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Being fired as godfather is making him teary – so is the breakfast beerSat Oct 05 2019 - 06:02
My meal was served on a 1986 edition of the 01 phone directoryRoss O’Carroll-Kelly: Sorcha's was served on a VHS copy of Honey, I Shrunk the KidsSat Sept 28 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll Kelly: Isn’t everyone wearing a kimono to watch the rugby?‘According to Fionn, it makes me guilty of a thing called “cultural appropriation’’’Sat Sept 21 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘How could anyone live this close to the Luas and not own a gun?’First my son sets the old man up with a gun, then my daughter sets him up with a vlogSat Sept 14 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘How does another dog plus five grand sound?’Baxter’s rightful owner has shown up, and Honor’s not giving him up without a dogfightSat Sept 07 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘How dare they leave out the hyphen?’A letter from Munster Rugby leaves the old man pacing the floorSat Aug 31 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Send him back to Google in a focking wheelchair’An exclusive extract from his new book ... Ross has taken on his toughest job yetSat Aug 24 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘The dude pats me down to make sure I’m not packing heat’Ross doesn’t like what he sees when he visits Ronan at work for some lunchtime pintsSat Aug 17 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You can’t fire me as a godparent. I resign’The dog is for the chop until Ross channels his inner rugby captainSat Aug 10 2019 - 01:03
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: A south Dublin borbecue – what could possibly go wrong?Christian is horrified to find his Wagyu steak looks tougher than Billy VunipolaSat Aug 03 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I wouldn’t be shocked if she was running a meth lab out of her bedroom’A dickhead of a smoke alorm ruins Ross’s night and leads him to a surprising discoverySat Jul 27 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You found 10 bags of cocaine and you go to the police?’Ro learns how to handle found goods, from the master, HennessySat Jul 20 2019 - 06:02
Ro goes, ‘It’s coke, Rosser.’ I’m there, ‘Well I knew it wasn’t Shake n’Vac’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: The old man got more than he bargained for when he bought a Lambo at a Cab auctionSat Jul 13 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: I’ve tried my best not to love my son any less since he storted wearing glassesI have to remember to treat them all equally, even though one of them is clearly never going to play rugbySat Jul 06 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Honor has suddenly started to think about environmental issues ... but why?My daughter had previously told me that being seen to care is a sign of weaknessSat Jun 29 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Honor leaves Love Island to admit to driving the cor‘Do you know how embarrassing it is to live in Killiney and have to drive stick shift?’Sat Jun 22 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘While I hate lying to him, that’s my job as a parent’I end up carrying Leo in to the ophthamologist – even though there’s fock-all wrong with his legsSat Jun 15 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Sorcha says the words that every rugby father dreads’She walks into the kitchen and storts looking at Leo in a suddenly strange waySat Jun 08 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Your accent has gone full Colin Farrell from Intermission’The Lambo my old man gifted Ro for finishing his degree is having a strange effect on himSat Jun 01 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘We’re going to be doing what I call, Maths Through Rugby’Rosston College has an eventful first day with the triplets out of MontessoriSat May 25 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You’re a Montessori teacher. A babysitter with good insurance cover’Called into the principal’s office, Ross discovers his son has a crush on the classroom assistantSat May 18 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Deep down she actually hates that I’m the cool parent’Honor is at a birthday party – what usually follows is a solicitor’s letterSat May 11 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I don’t mind being buried in Deansgrange. It’s a good address’Sorcha’s old pair are making arrangements for her resting place – but Honor has different ideasSat May 04 2019 - 06:02
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘What the fock are you doing in a red Lambo?’Ronan is about to finish college and the old man has a bribe to bring him onsideSat Apr 27 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘We’re going to miss the Easter Bonnet Parade in Dalkey’Sorcha is distraught because the boys have head liceSat Apr 20 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I’m just saying that our kids are three little yobs’Sorcha is on the warpath after the latest phone call from the Montessori about the tripletsSat Apr 13 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Let’s just say the match is not a good advertisement for rugby’‘Most of our goys look like they’ve been pulled from the sea after their ship went down’Sat Apr 06 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I know it's an unusual thing to ask your son but could you get me drugs?’‘I just need a little something to help me through the match against Newbridge'Sat Mar 30 2019 - 06:00
I’m remembering Fr Fehily hyped up to fever pitch after listening to his Hitler 45sRoss O’Carroll-Kelly: Irregordless, I do have my own – let’s say – ‘motivational’ qualitiesSat Mar 23 2019 - 06:10
‘Gout? What the fock is gout? And please don’t say it’s caused by rugby’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Preparation for Newbridge grudge match isn’t going to planSat Mar 16 2019 - 06:00
‘We would have beaten you with or without Fr Fehily’s doping programme’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Our victory was slightly tainted when the IRFU stripped us of our medalsSat Mar 09 2019 - 06:00
The old man takes his truth bus to UCD’s snowflakesRoss O’Carroll-Kelly: I’m, like: ‘You’re not going to drive around Belfield bellowing insanely at passers-by?’Sat Mar 02 2019 - 06:00
No one warns you as you leave Holles Street, ‘kids can be seriously focking annoying’Honor goes, ‘The only reason I’m ringing is because there’s a Gorda checkpoint ahead’Sat Feb 23 2019 - 06:00
‘A convicted criminal is what this female student person called me!’Ross O’Carroll Kelly: The old man has a plan to stop him being no-platformed by UCDSat Feb 16 2019 - 06:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Fock England!’ they shouted passing actual England fansThe three boys experience that landmark moment: their first rugby internationalSat Feb 09 2019 - 06:00
‘Ugly right-wing views? Is this about my ‘Irish Times’ letter?’There is some kind of protest going on in UCD as the old man arrives for his talkSat Feb 02 2019 - 06:00
‘I’m entitled to know why taxi drivers seem to think so little of me’Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Honor’s blackmailing skills come out after using Sorcha’s MyTaxi appSat Jan 26 2019 - 06:00
