‘Do you know how difficult it is to get a window cleaner on this side of the city in Communion month?’Sat May 17 2014 - 01:00
‘This is a politically motivated arrest, designed to discredit New Republic in the lead-in to the elections’Sat May 10 2014 - 01:00
‘If he has a heart, it’s only for beating blood around his body to keep the thing heated’Sat May 03 2014 - 01:00
‘I know it’s not a politically correct point of view to hold but we are very much anti-GAA marriage’Sat Apr 26 2014 - 01:00
‘I suddenly remember the reason I coloured this day in black in my Shred Focking Everything desk diary’Sat Apr 19 2014 - 01:00
‘I’m like: Be careful. I know what you’re getting at and I don’t care much for the insinulation’Sat Apr 12 2014 - 01:00
“History was never my strongest subject at school. I thought the IRB was the IRA’s second team”Sat Apr 05 2014 - 14:17
‘Sorcha goes, “We will miss Honor, Ross, won’t we?” I’m thinking, yeah, like a gangrenous leg’Sat Mar 29 2014 - 01:00
“Bringing organic food to Bray? If they’d said ‘deep-fried’, we’d have focking jumped on it and we’d all be as rich as Denis O’Brien tonight”Sat Mar 22 2014 - 01:00
Ross O'Carroll-Kelly‘She’s kacking it that someone’s going to ask her to account for all the moo that passed through her hands’Sat Mar 15 2014 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly‘You can’t unspoil children, just like you can’t unspoil milk. It’s too late if it’s already bad’Sat Mar 08 2014 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly‘I’m egging on Vincent Browne to get stuck in, but the old man could shout down an Airbus engine’Sat Mar 01 2014 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-KellyWho’d be a father? I sometimes ask myself that. Then I remember that it’s one of the few things that I’m genuinely amazing atFri Feb 28 2014 - 15:39
‘If I farted the first three notes of ‘Ireland’s Call’ over dinner, he’d say I was the next Rachmaninov’Sat Feb 15 2014 - 01:00
‘I thought we’d agreed to write Honor off . . . that we’d try for another baby and hope the next one is less of a bitch’Sat Feb 08 2014 - 01:00
‘I may know nothing about politics, but I’d be all over this Lucinda like a seagull on a dropped 99’Sat Feb 01 2014 - 01:00
‘Murt stares at me, obviously seeing there’s depths to me, depths that probably don’t actually exist’Sat Jan 25 2014 - 01:07
‘Because middle-class, conservative Catholics have never had their voice heard, have they?Sat Jan 18 2014 - 01:00
‘Dude, I’ve never said this to any man before in this pub – I want you to come into the toilets with me’Sat Jan 11 2014 - 01:00
‘My genuine hope for 2014 is that you end up sharing a prison cell with the Scissors Sisters’Sat Jan 04 2014 - 00:00
‘Ronan can’t even speak. He’s like that kid on the ‘Late Late Toy Show’ when Robbie Keane walked out’Sat Dec 28 2013 - 06:00
“I’m like ‘No way. Christmas Day is a day for family. It’s precious and blah, blah, blah’ ”Sat Dec 21 2013 - 01:00
‘Mandela was one of Sorcha’s all-time heroes – along with Aung San Suu Kyi and obviously Morc Jacobs’Sat Dec 14 2013 - 01:00
‘Honor is waiting with her list of demands and a face on her that would scare the flies off roadkill badger’Sat Dec 07 2013 - 00:00
‘She turns around and looks up at me and I get such a fright I end up nearly having a focking prolapse’Sat Nov 30 2013 - 01:00
‘Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give him a rugby ball and you show him the face of God’Sat Nov 23 2013 - 01:00
'You can even hear the whispers of, “Rugby? Did he say the Institute now has, like, a rugby team?”’Sat Nov 16 2013 - 00:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘This could be the drink talking . . .'‘This could be the drink talking but it looks to me like I’m very much gainfully employed again'Sat Nov 09 2013 - 01:00
‘It’s lovely to think there are still people out there who remember how good I could have been’Sat Nov 02 2013 - 01:08
‘Maybe if you hated each other’s guts, it’d mean that you meant something to each other in the first place’Sat Oct 26 2013 - 01:00
“You? The woman who christened Ranelagh ‘Calcutta’ when they stuck a focking Lidl in it?”Sat Oct 19 2013 - 09:45
‘My cousin nearly let slip what happens at the end of season two.’ ‘Did he, though?’ ‘No, thank God’Sat Oct 12 2013 - 01:00
After 10 seconds of me kissing her, she drops the paella pan and it shatters on the kitchen floorSat Oct 05 2013 - 01:00
‘I’d be in favour of sending Honor to boarding school, just to, like, limit our exposure to her. Sorcha’s against it, though’Sat Sept 28 2013 - 01:00
I’d rather eat what’s coming out of the dishwasher outflow pipe. But I’ll have some anyway, just to spare your feelings’Sat Sept 21 2013 - 01:58
Chad’s like, ‘It’s a small thank you gift.’ I’m there, ‘You didn’t need to get me a gift.’ I immediately hope it’s a speed boatThu Sept 12 2013 - 16:30
‘Nothing settles a woman’s doubts about her outfit quite like seeing another woman who’s made a total pig’s ear of hers’Thu Sept 05 2013 - 11:34
‘Sorcha is by no means overweight, but . . .'. . . closing that dress was like trying to stuff a duvet into a microwave’Sat Aug 24 2013 - 01:00
Ronan shot me a look like he’d just watched me pull a five-metre length of intestine out of the bottom of my chinosSat Aug 17 2013 - 01:03
‘I’m there, “Well, thank God it’s only treason. I’ll get a round in. Is it too early to switch to shorts?” ’Sat Aug 03 2013 - 01:00
‘Suddenly, Honor appears in the doorway, like one of the twins from ‘The Shining’, except even scarier’Sat Jul 27 2013 - 01:00
‘I do wonder, okay, what’s the play here, Dude? Do I save her life or do I let the Brie do its thing?’Sat Jul 20 2013 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly‘I’m beginning to think that Chad is, like, my Mary Poppins? If that doesn’t sound too weird’Sat Jul 13 2013 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly‘For the country’s third-fastest-growing confidential document disposal service, the Anglo tapes have been, like, a godsend’Sat Jul 06 2013 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly‘Oh, look! Daddy’s watching that game that he was a failure at’Sat Jun 29 2013 - 01:00
‘It’s a choice between my marriage and my old school. And tonight my marriage has won’Sat Jun 15 2013 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly‘That’s what they are, these non-fee-paying schools. They’re sewage plants, belching out human effluent’Sat Jun 08 2013 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly“The way I look at it,” I go, “is that we send Honor to school so she can be someone else’s problem for a little while at least.Sat Jun 01 2013 - 01:00
‘Hennessy. He’s the dodgiest man I’ve ever met. And yet I could learn so much from him’Sat May 25 2013 - 01:00
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly‘We had a peace summit in the Fu King Northside restaurant (Nanjing – Kowloon – Coolock)’Sat May 18 2013 - 01:00
