Merchandising: Another season, another Manchester United shirt. But this one, the manufacturers assure us, is different: it features Nike's "Zero Distraction technology".
Alex Ferguson, you'd assume, will be impressed by this hi-tech innovation and may even be tempted to send signed versions of the new shirts to John Magnier and JP McManus ahead of the new season, stressing the splendid benefits of "zero" off-the-field distractions in his accompanying "best wishes" cards.
Better still, the manufacturers promise that "Zero Distraction" technology "enhances performance for the whole 90 minutes", so there'll be no more, say, Joseph-Desire Job winners for Middlesbrough (see February 2004, Old Trafford) 10 minutes from time.
And they vow that it will lead to "improved player performance". (Diego Forlan: "Why are you looking at me?").
Nike also claim United's players won't "even notice they are wearing" the new shirt (because it weighs only 155 gms), but parents of little Red Devils very definitely will: the teeny version costs €32, rising to €48 (and more: shop around) for adults who really should know better.
(Psst: Last season's shirt is now seriously reduced in price, but apart from the club crest being switched to the centre you'd barely notice the difference. The Sun, in their infinite wisdom, even provided a guide a few days ago to transforming the old shirt into the new model: all you need is a red felt-tip pen to colour in the white swishes and, voila, you have the new shirt, minus the "Zero Distraction" technology).
John O'Shea, Wes Brown and Liam Miller were in town yesterday - Champion Sports in Dublin's Jervis Street Shopping Centre, to be precise - to promote the new shirt. The press release handed out described O'Shea as a "Manchester United striker", which left those present wondering if the arrival of Argentina's left-back/centre-half Gabriel Heinze at Old Trafford had prompted the Waterford man to embark on a radical career change.
Not so. The signing of Heinze, O'Shea insisted, was just another challenging episode in the life of your average United player.
"No, I can't be worrying about Gabriel Heinze, I just have to worry about myself," he said. "You get used to new players arriving at United, you just have to adapt to it. There are only one or two players at United assured of their position in the team, so it's a case of just concentrating on yourself - but left back isn't the only one position I can play in, there are a few.
"At a club like Manchester United if you don't have competition you're not going to have success. That was shown in the Treble year when the squad was fantastic, size and quality-wise. But we were lacking a little bit in numbers last season. When we had a few injuries and suspensions it upset us a bit.
"With the additions we've made to the squad this summer we're hopefully looking at regaining our title and challenging for other trophies too," he said, adding that he hopes to begin pre-season training next week after an ankle operation, although he's not sure if he will be fit in time to join the club's tour of the US.
Wes Brown, too, is hoping to put up a "better" challenge to Arsenal this time around, but insists he'll be the last to know what additions the manager will make, in an attempt to boost that challenge, to the squad for the season ahead.
"If somebody's getting signed we don't actually know until it's on Sky Sports News, or when we read about it in the paper like anyone else," he said, "we're in the same boat as any fan."
So, you turn up for training one morning and Wayne Rooney's there?
"You never know," he laughs.
Is that an exclusive? "No!"
