Fianna Fáil’s Wacky Races pulled into Wexford over the weekend.
And into Kerry and into various parts of Dublin and into the head space of all senior Fianna Fáil Ministers, bar one.
The entertainment kicked into gear on Friday with a special Mass to mark the 50th anniversary of the death of founding father Éamon de Valera, and to pray that the current leadership doesn’t make a complete balls of its amusing plan to win the presidential election though superior tactical ability.
The Mass in Dublin’s Glasnevin Cemetery went off well, although the sound of Dev turning in his grave and Bertie Ahern sulking more monumentally than the surrounding stone memorials cast a slight pall on proceedings.
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A short time earlier, James Lawless, the Minister for Higher Education, set the slapstick in motion at the Kennedy Summer School in Wexford when he declared he would be supporting his boss’s choice of candidate to fight the election for Fianna Fáil.
Former Dublin GAA kingpin Jim Gavin may not be a member of the party, but he is Micheál Martin’s choice because he ticks a number of important boxes.
As a former Air Corps pilot, Micheál’s surprise candidate may be an outsider, but at least he comes with his own parachute.
He is not Bertie Ahern.
He is very well got with the GAA.
His name is Jim.
The Taoiseach already has three Fianna Fáil Ministers named James in his Cabinet. There can never be enough Jims in his world.
Among his many duties, Micheál’s answer to Biggles used to fly the government jet when he was in the Defence Forces. This means Jim could have a nickname which is almost the very same as the one affectionately bestowed upon our outgoing president, Miggeldy Higgins.
Biggeldy.
Biggeldy Gavin. Maybe not.
But around the same time that James Lawless was kick-starting his ministerial colleagues’ drive to deliver the Taoiseach’s choice, Cork-based MEP Billy Kelleher was on the lunchtime news announcing that he wants the nomination, and a parliamentary party vote would be the “healthy” and democratic way to select its candidate.
Billy the Bid then turned up in Glasnevin to rub shoulders with fellow party stalwarts and to confirm his determination to get on the ticket.
Then former party leader Bertie Ahern fronted up to complain about how he was shabbily treated by his successor when he repeatedly asked over recent months about the possibility of him representing the party in the election.
Bertie’s detailed grasp of the timeline of his various requests, how they were received and how he got a disrespectful runaround was very impressive. In a happy twist, people who endured his outrageous evidence to the Mahon tribunal were very relieved to find his memory has completely recovered in the intervening years.
Billy, meanwhile, went off to start his tour of constituencies to meet the grassroots and make his pitch to parliamentary party members in advance of the secret ballot, which may, or may not, be imminent.
The Ministers slowly came forward to extol the virtues of Jim Gavin, who comes with a very impressive CV and a string of All-Ireland football titles under his belt, as both a manager and a player.
They didn’t all clatter out together in the unseemly manner of Fine Gael’s big hitters, who couldn’t get out fast enough to give Heather Humphreys their blessing. Their endorsements were drip-fed by Micheál’s grateful appointees.
Finally, Biggles broke through the clouds of nothingness on Saturday, confirming that he was in the field of play, with a long statement sent to TDs and Senators outlining his credentials and how he would be honoured and humbled to get the nod.
The wacky races moved south.
Billy Kelleher went to New Ross in Wexford and the Kennedy Summer School, where he took take part in a panel discussion on the presidency alongside Gareth Sheridan – the Dublin-born millionaire former chief executive of a US-based pharma company, who is hoping to make it on to the ballot paper as an Independent candidate if he can win the support of four councils.
It was an hour-long event, chaired by broadcaster Ciaran Cuddihy, with the Indo’s political editor Mary Regan and Richard Moore, the communications expert and presidential election strategist.
Billy (MEP) is standing on his record.
Gareth (35) is standing on his birth cert.
Meanwhile, the Taoiseach was in the Ring of Kerry at the annual Daniel O’Connell Summer School in Derrynane, where he threw his weight behind his man Jim.
“I have had a lot of engagement with him – and I believe, in this era, he is the person I think best-placed to represent the Irish people as president,” said Micheál.
“I think he’s an extraordinary, accomplished person. I think he has the right values, he has a life of service to the nation, a peacekeeper with United Nations, working in our Defence Forces, chaired pretty expertly the Citizens’ Assembly in terms of the Government mayoral issue ...”
There was a lot of talk all day Saturday and into Sunday from Fianna Fáil’s big names about the absolute suitability of the Taoiseach’s pick for president.
“We would be blessed beyond measure to have hm as a Fianna Fáil candidate and ultimately as president” said Children’s Minister, Norma Foley. “Service is the hallmark of a good president.”
There was striking similarity in the gushing statements from the Ministers.
On Saturday, Micheál spoke of Jim Gavin as the person best-placed “in this era” for the job.
“We need a president of the time and of the now,” said Norma.
But the glaring absence in all of this, over three strange days, in what should have been Fianna Fáil’s decisive move on the highest office in the land, was the person the leadership was going out to push as the performing prospect for the Park – Jim Gavin himself.
Amid the outpouring of words, there wasn’t a peep out of him.
It gives credence to the line that Micheál and his tactical hotshots were, indeed, blindsided by Billy Kelleher’s decision to seek the nomination. The Taoiseach said in Kerry that he wasn’t expecting it.
But back in Wexford at the Kennedy Summer School, Kelleher also intimated that he, too, had been blindsided. Since he began to push for a contest instead of a “coronation”, and until he contacted his leader the night before his own announcement, he didn’t know that his leader was actively trying to tap up Jim Gavin to run.
The shenanigans in Fianna Fáil rather pushed Gareth Sheridan out of the media frame in New Ross, which some might think unfortunate for him.
But not really, as it gives him more time to work on a more convincing and less woolly line of communication about why precisely he is running, and what he can do as president, apart from wishy-washy stuff about being a voice for the voiceless under-40s and convincing the Government to build more houses, but not in an “aggressive” way.
The declared only candidate in the field, Independent Catherine Connolly, has also been overshadowed by Fianna Fáil’s wacky races. She was put through the wringer by interviewer Justin McCarthy on RTÉ’s News at One on Sunday.
You’d be worried for the likes of Gareth Sheridan undergoing a similar grilling.
But, for now, the travails of the two biggest parties are topping the presidential bill of fare.
It seems Fine Gael intend to “unveil” Heather Humphreys on Tuesday, now that another MEP, Sean Kelly, looks highly unlikely to derail the former minister’s nomination. It looks like he’ll get even less of a look-in than Billy, who was asked in Wexford whether his leader will be annoyed with his intervention.
“He absolutely believes in the democracy of the party,” he replied. “Look, I think democracy is great. You know, it allows competition.”
The odds are firmly stacked against Billy the Kid in favour of The Quiet Man, even if the grass roots don’t seem half as keen as their fellow members in the Dáil and Seanad with jobs.
“I’m thrilled Billy has stepped up,” confided a well-regarded senior member among the political anoraks at the Kennedy Summer School.
And Bertie is still lurking in the background with plenty of support in the party, still stirring things up and muttering about seeking a nomination.
“Micheál says he won’t vote for Bertie if he throws his hat in the ring, yet he agreed to go into Government with Lowry” texted a former Oireachtas member on Sunday after seeing one newspaper front page.
The plan is going really well for the Soldiers of Destiny, or should that be the Legion of the Rearguard?
