Men need to speak out about violence against women and discourage attitudes equating power and domination with masculinity, the husband of a rape and murder victim has said.
Tom Meagher said men need to voice their discomfort when other men make sexist or sexually aggressive comments about women.
Mr Meagher's wife, Jill, was murdered two years ago on a night out in Melbourne. Her attacker, Adrian Bayley, had an extensive history of rape and violence towards women.
Bayley was “beyond help”, Mr Meagher told Sean O’Rourke on RTÉ radio, but an education programme could teach young men that violence against women is unacceptable.
He said many men have been “socialised” to accept a “boys will be boys” mentality, which equates power and domination with masculinity. A “critical mass of non-violent men” is required to change attitudes towards women, he said.
Mr Meagher is now involved with White Ribbon, a programme set up in Canada calling on men to end violence against women.
Mr Meagher said the organisation was in the process of building a nationwide schools programme in Ireland, and is also active in institutions such as universities.
Rapist caricature
He said the caricature of the sinister rapist “who hides in the lane and attacks their victim” needs to be challenged. Most rapists are “normal guys” and in the vast majority of cases are known to their victims, Mr Meagher said.
He also spoke about the “tough adjustment” he has had to make since the death of his wife.
He said moving back to Ireland after four years in Australia was like coming home to a different country from the one he left, but “it’s always great to be among your family and friends and to be where you grew up”.
He spoke about the night his wife went missing, saying he started getting “really worried” when she was not answering his calls and texts at 1.40am.
Mr Meagher said he later became almost obsessed with his wife’s killer, Bayley.
“It’s almost like I didn’t expect him to be a human being... I didn’t expect him to be almost human at all,” he said. “It triggered a need to know where this violence comes from.”
He started reading case files on previous attacks Bayley had committed against women – “the torture they went through was unbelievable”.
“It became an obsession to figure out what was going on. First of all with him - and second with a system that would allow him to be out on the street.”
