Joy isn’t just for special occasions. It’s not something to be put on hold for a future date either – “I’ll be happy when...”. Joy isn’t a destination, it’s a skill, and as with any skill, when you practice, you get better at it. Feeling happy is linked to better health in general, so it’s definitely worth cultivating.
Make it a daily habit to note three small things that you are grateful for every morning, says psychotherapist and IACP member, Séamus Sheedy. Do it before you reach for your phone. It could be that you are grateful for a hot shower, plans to meet a friend or the increase in daylight as we edge towards spring. Just three weeks of this consistent “gratitude practice” has been shown to establish new neuron connections facilitating optimism, scientists say.
Do an audit
Identify the things you have done in life that have brought you joy. “That is the simple question to ask yourself, and then do more of those things,” says Sheedy. Look at your highlights from last year, perhaps it was a weekend away with friends that was happiest, visiting an aunt or volunteering in your community. Arrange to do more of these things that you know make you happy. Plan for joy.
Take action
We can all feel flat and bored, especially at this time of year. Doing nothing can mean our emotions stay stagnant. Taking action, however small, can change our emotions. “Happy hormones are developed by us meeting a friend for a walk or going to the gym – so putting that little bit of effort in, doing the thing that you might find difficult to do, can create its own joy,” says Sheedy. “For some people it’s gardening, or making a delicious meal for somebody or spending time with your pet – do more of what you enjoy.”
Accentuate the positive
There’s been a lot of bad news in the past few years. “We can all get a little bit caught up in that, it can wear us down so that we find it hard to feel joy in the midst of it,” says Sheedy. “Turning over the channel to something else can help,” he says. We can change the script in our own heads too. Did you get stuck in traffic on the way to the supermarket, forget to bring your shopping bags or a coin for the trolley? Of course this is a total pain, but replaying this tale of woe to ourselves and to others can accentuate the negative. “One of the things I suggest to people is asking, ‘Is this thought helpful? What would be a better way of thinking about this?’ That self-talk is a really important thing for all of us.”
Pay it forward
Helping someone else is a way of boosting your own happiness. “Doing something really kind for someone else can make you feel really good,” says Sheedy. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Putting out a neighbour’s bin, making a coffee for a colleague, sending a card to a friend – they don’t cost much, but you get a small boost of joy in return. Even small gestures can release the feel good hormone oxytocin in the giver and the receiver. Over time, these gestures can foster a sense of belonging in a community or a workplace.
Practising intentional kindness will pay a dividend of joy.
