I know I harp on a lot about my Bavarian Princess (a BMW 1990 E30 316i, to be exact) and you are probably fed up of it. But it does attract attention.
Not least from the BMW Car Club of Ireland, who recently invited us to Mondello for one of their track days. I didn't have to think twice.
We rolled up to Mondello one recent Saturday to be greeted by a convivial bunch of lads and their glorious cars. From a little treasure of a track-prepared 2002 to a pair of brand-new M3 CSLs, the whole gamut of beemerdom was in situ, ready to rip.
The pitlane was a hive of car nuts, nattering excitedly, swopping compliments, driving advice, mechanical expertise and tips for sourcing parts. Bit like a book club. Only on wheels. And held at a hundred miles an hour amidst the screech of tyres and plumes of smoke. So, not like a book club at all, really.
I was signed in as a passenger and club members immediately started offering me lifts.
First was with Brendan in his E30 318is. We were split into novice and expert groups. We went off in the former. If you ask me, he was in the wrong group. We tore through the field, overtaking seven cars in eight laps. Brendan was, to say the least, a bit of a demon.
Next was TJ in his 286 bhp E36 M3. He'd just bought it and it was a bullet. TJ was no slouch himself. We ripped around the track like pros, TJ pushing it harder and harder each lap. Too hard, eventually.
We span off at an S-bend into a pile of muck for a bit of gardening. We were both grinning too much to mind.
On to Stephen's 840i. Easily the most comfortable, and possibly best-looking, car on the track. She was lush, he was chilled, I loved it.
And then there was Tomas, who rocked up with an entourage of 20 fellow Lithuanians to watch him put his hugely-modified E36 325 through its paces. It went like a bouncing bomb. He squealed through every corner on his slick tyres, undertaking and overtaking all comers. He smoked them all, M3s, M5s, everyone. The fact that it was left-hand drive made it all the more intense for me. I hope the videocamera he had bolted to his car didn't catch my constant expression of raw terror. I needed a little sit down when I got out, I'm sad to admit.
Finally, I was belted into the E46 M3 of Brian - the Driftmeister. We went round the whole track sideways, doing 80 around corners others were crawling around in second gear. The G-force had me shoved back in the seat, flattened like I was made of plasticine. It was awesome.
There were other cars I rode in, but space prevents me from listing all, sorry. There were other cars I would have loved to have had a go in, particularly a stripped-out BMW 2002 model from the 1970s that was easily keeping pace with cars thirty years younger. Next time, eh?
All present were at pains to point out that they weren't boyracers. The whole point of track days is to find out what the cars are capable of, without putting anyone at risk. There were a few offs, a few cars bashed up a bit, but nothing major. And, most importantly, nobody got hurt.
It was a complete blast. By the end of the day, my kidneys hurt from being walloped off my ribcage and my face ached from laughing like a hysterical hyena.
A few asked when I'd be venturing onto the track in the Princess. I love her too much to put her through that. Anyway, the M3 CSL I'll be buying once the people in the National Lottery fix their stupid machines and stop them pumping out the wrong numbers would be far more suitable, don't you think?
BMW Car Club Ireland: www.bmwcarclubireland.com
