Dominique Mc Mullan: ‘I think only about the pleasurable sensation of my body gliding through the water’

I realised this week how much my thought process, when moving from one end of the pool to the other, has changed.

Seven weeks ago, much like a bad chicken joke, my motive for crossing the pool was simply to get to the other side. All I could think about was the opposite wall and about when my next breath was going to burst from the water. And, honestly, I wouldn’t really call it thinking as much as varying levels of panic.

Now, though, the panic is mostly gone and real swimming thoughts have taken its place. It’s no longer about getting to the other side – queue sunrise and credits – it’s about enjoying the journey.

The “journey” is easier mostly because my swimming has developed gears. My favourite gear is fifth. I am able to ramble along, legs barley-kicking, not really thinking about anything other than the pleasurable sensation of my body gliding through the water. This is Sunday-driver swimming.

If I want to push myself a bit I can knock it down into third and get up a bit of speed. This is motorway driving, but when you’re learning to drive and it’s still a little exhilarating. This often happens when I notice someone in a parallel lane overtake me. By concentrating on rolling my body, using the full force of my arms and keeping my head down, I can usually gain a bit of pace. My thoughts are concentrated hard on making my body as aqua dynamic as possible.

Finally there's first and second: these gears are reserved for training and when we're swimming against the clock. There are few thoughts when swimming in this gear other than go. I'm usually flat out and can keep this up only for one length, maybe two, but it feels great. I imagine the feeling compares with driving that little bit too fast on an empty road.

Conor Pope: 'Suddenly, the fear and panic have gone, and I am in control' The fear disappeared almost without my noticing. And now it has gone completely. I cannot overemphasise what a breakthrough this is.

I am not afraid of water in the traditional sense. I have never had a problem submersing myself in it and can throw myself around like a dolphin with the best of them. But only if I am in my depth.

For the best part of 40 years, being out of my depth in water caused a surge of panic in my head. Catastrophic thoughts flood my brain and my breathing quickens. I don’t hyperventilate, exactly, but it is in that ballpark.

Now, suddenly, that fear and that panic have gone. And I am in control. I know that no matter what happens in the water, I will be okay. I will make it to the surface and I will make it to the side of the pool.

The control brings confidence. And the confidence brings a much better swimming technique. This week, as if by magic, I was able to do lengths and lengths of the back stroke without worrying about what might happen if water swamped my nose – which it always does – or if I whacked my head of the edge of the pool after misjudging the distance to the end – which I always do.

My front crawl has also improved overnight. I can slow down my strokes, and when I do, covering longer distances gets easier and easier. On one day this week, I spend almost three hours in the pool in two different sessions. In each of the sessions I covered 30 or so lengths. And I enjoyed each and every one of them.

To go back to the start, I can’t overemphasise what a breakthrough this is.

Who have I become?