Day 4,782, or thereabouts, of the Lions tour and while there hasn’t been a great deal of spice in it so far, Sky’s Alex Payne reminded us of bygone days when there was no end of it.
“Austin Healey called you a plod, a plank and an ape back in 2001,” he said to Justin Harrison as he warmly welcomed him to their coverage, Ronan O’Gara’s neck straining to see the reaction of the 6ft 8in former Australian international who was standing beside him pitchside in Canberra.
“Austin and I have had a love affair for a long time,” said Justin. “He is hard to ignore but it’s worth the effort. He’s not my favourite human in the world, but good luck to him.” He had, then, put 24-year-old ape-gate behind him, a spell in his life, he once recalled, when his team-mates habitually left bananas outside his bedroom door.
On to 2025 and there was, not to be too parochial, a decidedly green tinge to the Lions’ latest outing – eight Irish starters, four more on the bench, and a Brumbies side that featured two Lonergans, an O’Donnell, a Toole (who lost the O in Botany Bay), a Shaw and a Declan, Rory and Liam. It’s a wonder they didn’t play Amhrán na bhFiann before the game.
RM Block
What they did play, quite a bit, was music of the heavy metal kind which resulted in Ronan being close to hoarse from trying to make himself heard above the din. AC/DC proved a particular challenge.
Ireland impress as the Lions struggle
If the Brumbies didn’t shake the Lions all night long, they gave them a few wobbly moments, not least with that try after just three and a half minutes. It wasn’t actually over the line, but no matter. “It’s a mixed bag,” said a not entirely impressed Ian McGeechan at half-time, while Kyle Sinckler noted “some quite head-scratching stuff”.
The second half was a bit on the mixed side too. “It’s a little bit disjointed, their juices aren’t flowing,” said Ronan, although he was impressed by some of the individual performances. He described Tadhg Furlong, for example, as “a thoroughbred”, “and I played with a few piebalds in my day”.
When Mack Hansen came on, Miles Harrison suggested that “he wouldn’t be spooked by a kangaroo on a jog up a mountain”, asking Ronan to share his experience from the day before with the viewers. Ronan refused, though, perhaps still traumatised. “Did the kangaroo win by any chance,” Miles asked. There was no response, so we took that as a yes.
Any way, the Lions won, 36-24, all our pundits a touch concerned about the concession of four tries, suggesting there’s still plenty of fine-tuning to be done before the first test.
The highlight of the post-match coverage was the terrific chat between Ronan, Dan Biggar and Finn Russell out on the pitch. “A Scottish 10, a Welsh 10 and an Irish 10 walk in to an interview with Ellie,” as Alex introduced it.
“It’s great to see you play with a smile on your face,” said Ronan. “I’ve always got a smile on my face,” said Finn. “Even though this is the highest level you can play, it’s still just a game of rugby, so I’m still out there having a bit of fun.” “Some of us don’t see rugby like that,” said Ronan, Dan nodding vigorously, like it only ever put a grimace on his face.
What was helping put Finn in good spirits, he said, was the company of his wife and two young daughters who had travelled to Australia. The younger girl, Skye, is one, but will be sitting her GCSEs by the time the tour is over.
Back in the studio, it was Ian’s turn to pick his Lions side for the first test, Sam Warburton, Alex told us, having received quite a lot of social media feedback after choosing his. “I learnt the hard way – don’t open your notifications.”
Alex suggested that there’d be a free pint of Guinness for Ian on his next visit to Ireland after he picked nine of our lads in his team, but having omitted the other six of them, that’s probably doubtful.
We’ll just have to be patient and wait to see Andy Farrell’s selection, the only one that matters, of course. And we’ll need to be patient too before finding out what exactly happened between Ronan and the kangaroo. If Skippy called him a plod, a plank and an ape, no wonder it kicked off.
