In game two of the tour of Australia, the Lions were in red and the Reds were in purple and navy. When Garry Ringrose made it 52-12 at the death, anyone tuning in late might have feared that Andy Farrell’s men had just suffered a hiding.
Not so. After an iffy start, all was well. That’s 106 points in two contests since they landed in Oz and sure look, you’d take that.
Jac Morgan was named man of the match when the award should, of course, have been given to Ronan O’Gara for the quality of his co-commentating, especially considering he’d barely landed from France.
Miles Harrison told us that Queensland’s Tim Ryan was nicknamed Junkyard Dog because he looks a bit on the “ruffled” side. “A bit like you Ronan after you walked in to reception after the flight,” he said.
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Ronan felt that was harsh, but he didn’t actually deny it. And anyway, after spotting that there was a Musgrave Park across the road from his Brisbane hotel, nothing could vex him. “Did you book the hotel,” Miles asked, the chuckle suggesting it was a possibility.
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Earlier, Alex Payne had welcomed us to Sky’s coverage of the game, which, as usual, started with a giant tattooed cartoony lion running around the motorways of Australia and terrifying the living daylights out of locals. Only Tadhg Furlong doing the same could scare them more.
Alex was joined by Ian McGeechan, Sam Warburton and Kyle Sinckler in the studio, all of whom were decidedly upbeat until Alex reminded them of how many Lions legends had died since the last tour. Among the list, which read like a hall of fame, were JPR Williams, Barry John, Phil Bennett, Doddie Weir, David Duckham and Tony O’Reilly.
That realisation changed the atmosphere a little, but the piece that followed was lovely – several Lions greats paying tribute to their late comrades. Gregor Townsend, for example, recalled with affection Weir putting cling film on his toilet and vaseline on his phone, things you really only get away with when you’re a man mountain.
The bad news from Brisbane was that a bug had forced Hugo Keenan out of the game. Elliot Daly was his replacement.
It’s at times like this that some of you might be left questioning your sporting morals. You may have sat there nodding when Ian spoke to Alex about how the Lions see no flags nor nationalities; they come together as one and are brothers in arms. You may have then wished a heap of missed tackles, dropped balls and forward passes on Daly. All because you don’t want him moving above our Hugo in the fullback pecking order. Go on, admit it.
At least Les Kiss, the Queensland coach (and no stranger to these shores), was honest when he spoke to Sky’s Eleanor Roper. Andy Farrell is, he said, “a sensational person and a great coach” . . . but? “Hopefully we can make his beer taste unsweet”.
Miles Harrison might have been feeling a bit bitter himself, having to share his commentary box at the Suncorp Stadium with not one but three former Lions − Sam Warburton and Dan Biggar joining himself and Ronan. Never in his life has he had so little elbow room.
Ronan played a blinder, particularly for those of us who wouldn’t know a tail gunner from a pepperoni pizza. He kindly started several of his interjections along the lines of “for people at home who don’t know”. Granted, he delivered enough in-depth tactical analysis to leave the same cohort wondering if he was speaking Swahili, but no matter, he catered for us all.
Half-time, 21-12 to the Lions. It was “a funny old marmalade of a first 40 minutes, smooth in parts but chunky and clunky at times as well”, as Alex put it. And then he showed us his Momentum Graph, which is a bit like Peter Snow’s election night swingometer on the BBC back in the day. The Lions were in red and the Reds were in yellow on the graph, as if the morning hadn’t been confusing enough.
Second half? A cruise. Thirty-one Lions points without reply, leaving Ian giving them a six out of 10 for the first half and an eight for the second. “So an average of seven,” said Alex. “No, eight, for the way they finished,” said Ian. Alex scratched his head.
A sweet beer for Andy Farrell, then, and the warmest of salutes from Alex for Ronan and Dan. They are, he said, “the Hale and Pace and Starsky and Hutch” of Sky’s tour coverage. Dan beamed. Ronan wore a look that suggested Alex had been talking Swahili.
