When you find yourself watching Judd Trump v John Higgins in the Bulgarian Snooker Open on Eurosport you know that the heady spell of World Cup/All-Ireland Finals/Ryder Cup is well and truly over, the mornings are brassers, winter is nigh, and it’s time to focus on the bread and butter of sport.
Life can’t be one long glitzy opening and closing ceremony and Germany and Kilkenny and Kerry and Cork strutting their stuff, and Rory McIlroy topless in a kilt, you know.
Who won between Judd and John? No clue. The dog had to be walked. But it was a back down to earth with a boom sporting televisual experience, divil a John Giles, Butch Harmon or Cyril Farrell, divil an Ole! Ole! Ole! from the audience in Sofia, most of whom appeared to be nodding off – although one man was recording Judd v Jude on his iPhone, when he could have saved a bunch of space by just taping it on Eurosport.
(Note to young people: Tape = verb – with obj – record (sound or pictures) on audio or video tape).
So then, bread and butter. And when we tuned in to BT Sport for Manchester United’s 2-1 annihilation of Everton, Jake Humphrey reminded us that there is life beyond the big boys.
“Just because there’s no Premier League next weekend it doesn’t mean there’s no football here on BT Sport,” he said. “On Wednesday evening, action from the Vanarama Conference: Kidderminster Harriers v Welling United. And next weekend: Alfreton Town face Torquay.”
Paul Scholes and Steve McManaman stared at their feet while stationed at their Old Trafford breakfast bar, almost like they couldn't whip themselves in to a frenzy, which was unprofessional. But Jake was sincere, he genuinely seemed to be as excited about Kidderminster Harriers v Welling United and Alfreton Town v Torquay as he was about United v Everton.
Granted, you’d probably see better defending in the Vanarama Conference games, but the same quality of attacking?
As Michael Owen put it: “Falcao can score with any part of his body”, which, inevitably led to the thing called social media going “ooh, err, missus”.
While also berating Michael for being boring. That was harsh because he does his best, especially when BT give him games that would make Kidderminster Harriers v Welling United look like the 1970 World Cup final.
But when you hang in there, good things come. Take Brian Kerr during yesterday's FAI Cup semi-final between Shamrock Rovers and Derry City. With 20 minutes to go you sensed he was beginning to despair, like he'd never witness a goal again in his life, a Rovers free-kick leaving him particularly exasperated. "They'll see that one flying over Dorset Square," he said. But wham bam, thanks a gazillion ma'am, and we had a pair of goals, one apiece, so: replay.
The only disappointment, really, was that Richard Sadlier and Kenny Cunningham were quite civil to each other, when their World Cup dust-ups had promised a scene where Peter Collins would have to call Tallaght security to separate them, the pair actually nodding at each other's analysis at times, which was a let-down like no other.
Happily, the Richard and Kenny of English Premier League management, Jose and Arsene, were less willing to bury hatchets, apart, possibly, from in each other’s skulls, leaving you wishing Sky had a red button to allow you monitor their touchline angry-ness through the 90 minutes at Stamford Bridge.
Jose prevailed in the end, as he usually does, Arsene limping down the tunnel without even a handshake, Jose in a hurry to light his cigar. And Gary Neville couldn’t but declare that Chelsea were on “another level”, to which you could only say:
“Ah, stop.”
So then, back to the bread and butter, Judd Trump and John Higgins and Alfreton Town and Torquay. Granted, it’s not Rory McIlroy topless in a kilt, but it’ll get us through the winter.
