Ever play in an under-12 match, as a centre half, and end up marking a 6ft 4in, 14-stone centre forward with size 12 feet? And when you asked to see their birth cert they picked you up by the ears and deposited you in the back of the net? Well, if you had the misfortune to experience such injustice in your youth this story's for you.

The South African Football Association has introduced bone X-rays to eliminate cheating in age-limit competitions. The move comes as a response to allegations that many of the national under-14 team which won a tournament in France during the summer contained players who were long since entitled to vote.

The X-rays are accurate to within six months and were used for the first time recently at an inter-provincial under-14 tournament in Durban. The results? Seventeen players over-14-year-olds were detected, with the eldest nearly. . . 18 years of age. If only they'd used X-rays in your day.