How come teachers make up around 1 per cent of the population, but have a controlling interest in the GAA?
With the end of the 2014 instalment of the Irish version of waterboarding (also known as the Leaving Cert) we’ve been thinking about professions that appear to be best suited to Gaelic games – and we’ve come up with four obvious ones.
TEACHERS
Reasons teachers are suited to hurling and football
1 There are three really good reasons to be a teacher – June, July and August.
The entire GAA season is built around the work schedule of primary and secondary school teachers. Weekends. Bank holidays. Summer.
2 Teachers spend their whole lives challenging others while also trying not to lose their own minds. Perfect for any GAA match.
3 Ironically, considering they spend so much time demanding full attention from others, teachers are experts at tuning out – handy on big match-days when every hurler on the ditch has a (loud) opinion.
Teaching terms in the GAA lexicon
1 "He's got class."
2 "They were given a lesson today."
3 "Plan B! Plan B!"
FARMERS
Reasons farmers are suited to hurling and football
1 Farmers don't have to turn up on time for training. "Sorry I'm late boss, cow calving."
No problem.
But for normal excuses by non-farming players? Such as: “Sorry I’m late, I had to take my book for a walk, and my granny back to the library.”
Do 10 laps of the field.
2 Farmers are always training, even when they're working – that's why every farmer in the country hunts cattle armed with an old hurley.
3 Coming straight from work to a match can be useful when man-marking a townie, who might not be used to the natural smells brought directly from the farm.
Farming terms in the GAA lexicon
1 "Plant him."
2 "Close the gate."
3 "They're waiting in the long grass."
BANKERS
Reasons bankers are suited to hurling and football
1 Bankers are well used to be being hated. In fact, they thrive on it.
2 They're also highly motivated (have you ever heard of a banker losing interest?).
3 Bankers are penalty specialists.
Note: Those working in banks are also well suited to working on the GAA stadium stiles, as there are always plenty of windows open on match-day – unless it's a really busy time, in which case they think one window will do.
Banking terms in the GAA lexicon
1 "They had enough in reserve."
2 "It took them quite a while to open their account."
3 "There's very little happening in Leitrim at the moment."
AIR FORCE PILOTS
Reasons air force pilots are suited to hurling and football.
1 They revel in the storm of battle, but have ice in their veins. Injury time, one-point game, up steps an air force pilot.
2 They're absolutely devastating when there's, well, little opposition.
3 They never open fire until they're close to the target.
Air force terms that have made it in the GAA lexicon
1 "They're flying in training."
2 "The wing is on fire."
3 "They're coming in under the radar."
EX-PAT HAVENS
GAA clubs abroad act as mini-Irish embassies.
In fact, they are much more useful than embassies – they act as a job fair/entertainment hub/counselling centre/community base for Irish expatriates. And clubs operating outside Ireland have branched into the wider community – particularly in recent years.
Several clubs in the New South Wales GAA division – including Sydney-based Michael Cusacks and Clan na Gael-Bondi (what a great name!) – hosted a fundraising day for several Australian cancer organisations yesterday.
Apart from the thousands of dollars raised on the day for breast and prostrate cancer awareness – and the football, hurling and camogie matches played – it is great to hear of GAA clubs abroad having such a positive impact on local (non-Irish) communities.
READING THE SMALL PRINT
Every week on playing fields throughout the island, GAA players are being bitten.
Fact.
Not, admittedly, bitten like what happened last week in Brazil (you might not have heard, but apparently there was an incident involving a Uruguayan falling (face first) into the shoulder of an Italian).
Warm weather.
Ireland.
Midges.
Swarms of them, and they can be very annoying – and bloodthirsty.
The Kingdom, however, appear to have a different problem.
In their press release last week inviting journalists to a “Media Evening”, the following was put on the end of the message:
“I would prefer if all pics were taken in the stadium due to fading light as those of you will recall from the last session – not to mention the midgets in the balmy evening that we experienced the last night!”
Eh? Midgets?
FÉILE PEILE NA nÓG
New York’s finest under-14 footballers (girls and boys) competed at Féile Peile na nÓg at the weekend.
Surprisingly, perhaps, the boys were in Division One – and, not only that, but topped their group (beating Castlebar Mitchels and Ballyboden St Enda’s, before drawing with hosts Ballina Stephenites) before being finally stopped by Naas in the first knock-out round.
Obvious some fine work is ongoing across the Atlantic at underage level.
THEY SAID THAT? TWITTER TWADDLE
Paul Hearty @hertz012
With @Armagh_GAA replay v @monaghangaa next week, we can look forward to an Armagh team with good strength in dept and also the 3 lads back
Evanne Ní Chuilinn @EvanneNiC
Henry Shefflin stayed out in the cold signing autographs for 40 mins after that game.
Brian Flannery @BrianJAFlannery
Fair play to FIFA president Sepp Blatter for cancelling all World Cup Soccer games today to allow us attend the Ken McGrath All Star game
Second Captains @SecondCaptains
Have Meath lined out with a full team of David Beggys?? #pace #royallers #SCGAA
