Leinster House was like a home for the bewildered on Friday.
People wandering the corridors, furrowed of brow, shaking their heads as they tried to make sense of what was happening.
Bumping into people, looking at each other in mutual bafflement, asking: “Why? Why are they doing it? What does he have on them? Why?”
It wasn’t just members of the Opposition finding themselves mired in this fug of stupefaction.
The few Government backbenchers about the place also expressed puzzlement at the way their leaders seem prepared to die in the ditch rather than tell Michael Lowry to take a hike along with his unreasonable demands.
Political journalists, used to the machinations of top-level politicians and well practised in interpreting their stranger decisions, were equally flummoxed. Some thought they could partially explain why Micheál Martin and Simon Harris were going out on a limb for Lowry, despite his highly controversial past and divisive Dáil presence.
But when they tried to, they couldn’t.
Nobody could figure it out.
And so, on this Fascinating Friday, the Government and the Opposition and Lowry’s Regional Group shape-shifters (signed up supporters of Government enjoying accompanying benefits who also want to avail of sacrosanct Opposition entitlements) were locked in an battle for speaking time supremacy.
Verona Murphy, the Ceann Comhairle, spent the day trying to broker an agreement. As the hours passed, the two sides decamped to separate rooms off the main lobby – Opposition whips in one and the Government and Lowry in the other, with poor Verona shuttling between them.
“God love her, she should be fitted with a pair of castors or something. The poor woman is run ragged,” said one Opposition TD as efforts to find a suitable solution came to nothing.
Michael Lowry, the man at the centre of this very bizarre wrangle which led to the suspension of the Dáil last week, was reportedly digging in his heels on the speaking time demand.
But, and this is what had everybody mystified, sources close to both Government parties are adamant that Lowry blindsided them when he publicly stated that their agreement includes this request for Opposition speaking rights.
Furthermore, they say the Tipperary TD was told this in no uncertain terms.
The combined forces of the Opposition aren’t wearing this arrangement.
The two main parties are exploring every avenue to find a solution, including engaging expensive legal advice.
Nobody seems to have considered telling Lowry to take a hike. Nobody seems prepared to tell him and his tiny group of Regional Independents – who have the ear of Government and nod and wink spoils for their constituencies – to go take a running jump.
To the envy of their political rivals, these politicians, some of them inexperienced first-timers, have done very well for themselves.
Would they give all this up for a very occasional few minutes of gasbagging on their preferred side of the chamber?
And yet, Micheál and Simon are willing to go to the wire for them. Calling them “hybrid” TDs now. They’ll want the right to plug themselves in for sport at the electric vehicle chargers next.
It’s ludicrous carry-on, with the new Government losing any goodwill it might have at the start of its term because it’s too windy to risk losing some of the substantial Lowry ballast.
Poor Verona – she must have been exhausted – threw in the towel on Friday evening.
And as the day drew to a close in Leinster House, the key questions remained.
Why are they doing this? Why are they willing to, as one observer put it, “take all this Lowry sh*t?”
And Opposition TDs are growing more and more suspicious. Increasingly, they ask: “What hold does Michael Lowry have over them? Does he have somebody over a barrel?”
Because that’s the way it looks now, whether they like it or not.
‘A woman, bright, intelligent and not bad looking either!’
The Taoiseach and Tánaiste found themselves embroiled in a “jobs for the boys” row this week after announcing a line-up of junior ministers reflecting the glaring non-gender balance of the Cabinet they unveiled a week before.
Perhaps they should have consulted an expert in getting political jobs for people before proceeding with their choice of Ministers. An expert who is all for promoting women.
Someone like Michael Lowry.
What? They did?
Ten years ago, Lowry found himself in hot water when he lobbied then taoiseach Enda Kenny to have his former press adviser, Valerie O’Reilly, reappointed to the board of the National Transport Authority.
In January 2015 during a Dáil sitting, the Independent TD for Tipperary North passed a handwritten note to Enda. It read: “Taoiseach, would you please consider reappointing Valerie O’Reilly to the board of the NTA.
“A woman, bright, intelligent and not bad looking either!”
Somehow, the message got into the hands of the Sunday Indo.
During the ensuing controversy, the TD apologised for his “lighthearted comment” and felt that, in hindsight, it was unnecessary.
He told Tipp FM: “I consider what I gave was effectively a reference. I do that on a regular basis.
“I don’t know what world some people live in but the fact is that as a politician I am approached nearly every week by somebody who is seeking a job that I would know.
“I certainly wouldn’t put somebody forward for a job unless I knew they had the ability and capability to do it, and in this instance I was totally satisfied.”
And he’s still at it.
Fixing jobs for people and putting people forward for jobs.
Seanad drama and the speaking rights impasse
O’Brien bags the best billet
A new Government means new Ministers and new offices for the ones who haven’t retained portfolios.
Is there a real estate pecking order in Government Buildings? Can more senior ranking members of Cabinet take their pick of the prime locations?
Some Ministers can be very sensitive about such matters, wondering if their rooms are sufficiently up to scratch and reflect their important standing in life. Or if the colleague next door pulled a stroke and got preferential treatment.
The place to be is the Ministerial Corridor which leads to the Taoiseach’s suite of offices. Most, but not all Ministers, are accommodated here. It’s a very old building. Not all offices are equal.
This explains why a little huddle of civil servants were seen in deep, animated discussion on the Ministerial Corridor on Wednesday, trying to decide which boss would get what office. They all wanted to bag the best billet for their man or woman.
As it happened, they were standing near what is regarded as the nicest office on the premium level, outside of the Taoiseach’s spacious domain. It’s a very airy corner space, with lovely light and a generous sofa and seating area.
And best of all – it has a separate entrance. Its own private lift, no less. The last occupant was the former minister for the environment Eamon Ryan. Other residents over the years included Simon Coveney, Joan Burton and, way back, Charles J Haughey, who is said to have enjoyed the commodious sofa and secret elevator.
The Ministers and their Private Secretaries may or may not have coveted particular rooms, with descriptions of the manoeuvrings ranging from “not such a big deal” to “all-out war”.
On Wednesday, as the civil servants stood with their files and clipboards arguing the toss, the new Minister for Transport strode across the corridor and straight past them into the much-prized office.
Darragh O’Brien smiled warmly over the stack of heavy boxes in his arms. Then he quickly left, but only for the few minutes it took to move his comfortable chair across to his nice new desk.
He loves the new office. “Sure I was on that floor anyway.”
The Minister confirmed that the set of antlers – not to everyone’s taste – which took pride of place in his own office will be relocated in due course.
He loves them. And he needs somewhere to hang his clothes.
“From the National Parks and Wildlife Service. A 12-year-old Irish red deer and he’s still alive – shed the antlers during rutting.”
Seanad election livestream the stuff that snores are made of
Seanad elections are a niche interest at the best of times.
In Leinster House, the large Members’ Dining Room was cleared to accommodate the count for the 27th Seanad.
But even in this mecca for political anoraks, interest in the proceedings dipped sharply on Friday as the bewildering carry-on over speaking rights for a few members of the Regional Independent Group proved a far more engrossing draw than the ongoing Seanad Snoozerama.
At least the two university constituencies had the good manners to get themselves done and dusted in a respectable amount of time. Michael McDowell showed the way when he was re-elected to the Upper House for Dublin University with a huge increase in his vote.
This immediately led to further speculation that the former tánaiste, who spearheaded the no-vote in last year’s controversial referendum on the family, might enter this year’s race for the Áras.
Indeed, when his victory was confirmed on Thursday night, second placed Ronán Mullen was one of the first to suggest that his colleague in the Seanad independent senators' group might be contemplating a run for the Presidency.
McDowell is saying nothing, while clearly enjoying being centre of attention. Move to the Phoenix Park? He’s not sure.
What if Duke (his dog) squeezes through the fence into the zoo and frightens the rhinos or gets eaten by a lion, he wonders. That would be a big worry.
But he hasn’t ruled out a run yet.
The Seanad does things differently. The count is baffling. Inside panels, sub-panels, outside panels. Single votes equal to a thousand votes for mathematical purposes.
When the Green Party’s Hazel Chu just missed out on the third Trinity seat by a small number of votes, she demanded a recount.
She didn’t get one. But she got a “simple recount”.
It didn’t help anyway.
Fianna Fáil’s Lorraine Clifford-Lee lost her seat on the Culture and Education panel by a fraction of one vote. By Friday night, there was some talk of a legal challenge, but because this is the Seanad it isn’t just a case of rocking up to the Four Courts with your brief to seek a ruling. All sorts of arcane regulations must be followed first.
The count proceeds at a glacial pace. It is lived-streamed on the Oireachtas website, which shows bundles of ballots on tables with candidates and supporters sitting and standing around them while staff walk up and down with pieces of paper in their hands. There is no sound.
And who will think of all those people still without electricity since Storm Éowyn, stuck, unable to tune in and follow the tedium? Have they not suffered enough?
It doesn’t bear thinking about.
The count continues over the weekend and should be finished by bank holiday Monday. That should help pass the long weekend.
Wake us up when it’s over.
Spoiler alert
Spoiled Seanad ballot of the week.
This honour goes to the Trinity College graduate who marked their voting paper from top to bottom with a letter next to the name of each of the 16 candidates.
Sixteen letters spelling out “SHITEHAWKCENTRAL”.
That’s a university degree for ya.
[ Aubrey McCarthy wins final TCD seat after vote recheck, with Chu losing outOpens in new window ]
To be fair to the third-level brigade, their ability to fill out a ballot paper is streets ahead of the politicians' – TDs, outgoing senators and county councillors – who form the select electorate for the five vocational panels.
There were just 37 spoiled votes out of a total poll of 36,151 in the National University of Ireland constituency. The Dublin University or Trinity College constituency returned 24 invalid votes in a total poll of 17,821.
A mere 1,172 national and local politicians vote in the 43 members of the vocational panels. The counts are long and ridiculously complicated. The first one – for the five-seater Culture and Education panel – began on Thursday and went into Friday.
Eight of the politicians either missed the post (they send in their votes by post) or didn’t vote. Eight of them didn’t have the correct labels attached to their envelopes and six didn’t fill out their identity forms properly.
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