Gerry Adams said a bold word in the Dáil yesterday. The Ceann Comhairle almost fainted.

“That language is not acceptable. That language is not acceptable in the chamber!” shrieked Seán Barrett, scandalised.

We looked over at the horrified faces of deputies on the Government benches. Heavens above, but would not one of them think to rush across to young Simon Harris and place protective hands over the lad’s ears?

Paul Kehoe, Government chief whip and enforcer, was instantly outraged.

“Shame on you” he cried, glaring at the Sinn Féin leader. “Shame on you.”

Adams thought the episode hilarious. His deputy leader, Mary Lou McDonald, chortled away beside him in a gesture of solidarity.

But were they laughing at the naughty word which Gerry had so wantonly detonated during Dáil proceedings?

Actually, judging by their expressions, McDonald and Adams were simply enjoying the entertaining spectacle of grown men harrumphing in disgust at the sound of a very mild word.

The mass fainting fits were brought on by Adams addressing the Government’s intention to bring in changes to the water charges regime by attaching amendments today to an entirely different Bill – the Environment (Miscellaneous Provisions) Bill.

He followed a contribution from the Fianna Fáil leader on this issue. Micheál Martin was absolutely fuming about it.

“We have had this since the very beginning of Irish Water,” he complained, saying the Government is now attempting to “smuggle” in their latest changes to the water Bill.

From the start of this sorry saga, “the Government has rammed through every piece of legislation related to Irish Water” said Micheál.

Blew a gasket

The Fianna Fáil leader has been getting more and more annoyed with the way he sees the Government manipulating House rules to sneak through difficult legislation. Yesterday, he nearly blew a gasket over it.

“Here at the 11th hour we are back to the usual end-of- term jackboot tactics the Government has deployed in recent years, ramming material that may be politically sensitive through the House without adequate debate.”

He wasn’t happy with the way these changes are being handled. They deal with such things as the extraction of money due from salaries and social welfare payments, amending the database and other matters relating to the operation of the company. It is also proposed, according the Martin, to transfer a huge amount of money paid in property tax to Irish Water.

Micheál knows the standing orders of the House and how they can be used by a Government to get legislation through – more than a decade in power with Fianna Fáil saw to that.

He admitted “technically the Government may be in conformity”, but in substance and spirit their latest actions are “a sneaky and underhand way” to deal with very important and substantial issues to do with water charges.

The Taoiseach hasn’t changed how the Dáil does its business, said Micheál, inadvertently reminding everyone of his own crowd’s pathetic efforts in that regard.

And there has certainly been “no democratic revolution”. That much vaunted, now lamented democratic revolution (all the rage with Enda and his team before the last election) was playing on Gerry Adams’s mind too.

Last-gasp changes

Bringing in these last-gasp changes to the water Bill by stitching them into entirely unrelated legislation also reminded him of the previous administration.

“Here in the very best traditions of Fianna Fáil, the Government is pulling a stroke.”

And then he used one of his very favourite phrases.

“Maith thú!” he cried. Gerry says “maith thú” to everyone, all the time.

But back to the Environment (Miscellaneous Provisions) Bill, which is taking centre stage today because of the bits the Government has tacked on to it.

“ What are you attaching these amendments to?” wondered Gerry.

“Killarney Park is one of the issues it’s being attached to. Dog licences is one . . . I mean, Flann O’Brien couldn’t write this script, Taoiseach.”

He could hardly believe the Government’s talent for comic creativity in the area of pushing through laws.

“So we are supposed to be a mature Dáil, and a mature Parliament and we’re supposed to sit here and meekly accept the Government playing fast and loose. You know, democratic revolution?” marvelled the Sinn Féin leader.

And then he shocked the Dáil to its very core. He paused for effect and then declared: “”

The Ceann Comhairle was outraged. “That language is not acceptable. That language is not acceptable in the chamber.” He demanded that this disgraceful remark be withdrawn.

Whereupon Gerry and Mary Lou sat back, tickled pink by the reaction, like they’d dropped a stink bomb and were revelling in the reaction.