As if the voters haven’t suffered enough, some candidates have leapt forward into the late 20th century by producing homemade promotional videos. It’s clear no expense has been spared in the production of these things – in some cases budgets may have run into two figures.
But it’s the wit and creativity on show that makes us confident the country will be in safe hands if these men (yes, all men) are returned to the 32nd Dáil.
Kildare South Fine Gael TD Martin "Marty McFly" Heydon leads the pack with his homage to Back to the Future, in which he travels around his constituency pointing out stuff that wouldn't have happened if, y'know, he hadn't been born (or in this case, elected). Marty's constituency page informs us he was actually born in 1978, so would have been seven when BTTF was originally released. Going by the evidence, he's still seven.
There's a classic from 2011 (uploaded by somebody calling themselves "south tipperary candatate", which is a nice touch) singing the praises of Tipperary independent, "our guy, your guy" Mattie McGrath. Eschewing new-fangled moving images in favour of a series of classically posed tableaux of Mattie at work and in repose, the song cleverly subverts urban prejudices about rural independents by recalling the duelling banjos of psycho hillbilly chiller Deliverance.
There's also one for Limerick candidate Richard O Donoghue who... Oh God, I can't do this anymore. Please, my ears, my ears...
Actually, somebody's made an effort with this one. Admittedly, the bar has been set low, but look - moving images! And the lyrics appear to scan and almost make some sort of sense. I don't quite understand the juxtaposition of Donegal sheep and African children, but if you were voting purely on the basis of least worst YouTube song 2016, then Donegal Independent candidate Tim Jackson is your man.
And to follow that, there’s Michael Healy-Rae and his cap with a rather meh offering. Sounds like the Coldplay to Tim Jackson’s Beyonce to me.
Finally, a golden oldie. We'll Be There, sung by Jack Lynch's nephew Cathal Dunne, was the soundtrack to Fianna Fáil's two election campaigns in 1982. Isn't it amazing how sophisticated everyone has become in the intervening years?
