So you want to get butterflies painted on your nails? Consult an architect? Or buy an umbilical slurry spreading system?
You can do all this and more at the National Ploughing Championships. You can even eat your weight in fancy cupcakes and avail of free diabetes screening afterwards.
"Lisa Murphy is doing something about teeth whitening," shouts someone in the press room.
"Lucinda Creighton is going to say something significant in the RTÉ tent," says another.
Gig of the week
Politicians were tripping over each other to be seen at the gig of the week but some are not as welcome as others. As Minister for Social Protection Joan Burton stood for a photograph, one woman became suddenly enraged. "Look at the head on that one," she said, nodding at Burton. "And the rest of them with their fancy suits. They shouldn't be let into the place."
Another joined in. “The cheek of her showing up here after cutting my social welfare. Will we chance the welly throwing?”
It's not known what the Chinese delegation made of the welly throwing. This group of pig meat company representatives and journalists was being escorted around the 700-acre site by Bord Bia. They are in Ireland to attend a sustainability conference in Dublin today and were delighted to find themselves in the middle of a field in Co Laois, surrounded by enthusiastic farmers.
Lu Gao of the Xinhua Media Company said it was very impressive to see so many people at a farming event. "We can definitely feel how important agriculture is to Ireland," he said. In China, only events such as air shows or car shows could draw such crowds. "My real feeling is it's like a big party for farmers."
Big party
It was certainly like a big party for the younger visitors. An endless stream of buses disgorged hundreds of students who charged off bucking in the air like young calves let out on grass for the first time. They all appeared to be on a mission to gather as many free pens and high-vis vests as possible.
Some of them spotted Frank Hogan and asked to pose with his John 3:17 sign, familiar to anyone who has ever watched a match in Croke Park. “People talk to me all the time here,” he said. “I’m the most photographed man in the country. ”
He was there to spread the message in John 3:17 (For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him) but had an ulterior motive. “I come to the Ploughing Championships because I love looking at the Aberdeen Angus bull. He’s a fantastic animal.”
And he was on the hunt for a ticket for Sunday’s hurling replay. “Still don’t have one. Maybe someone out there could help me,” he said, wistfully.
Anything is possible at the ploughing. Perhaps the only thing you can’t do is get married but chief organiser Anna May McHugh is probably working on that as we speak.
