Over a year ago Patrick Kearns and his wife, Milana, who live in Co Meath, applied to their local Child and Family Agency adoption team to begin adopting Milana’s daughter from a previous relationship.
The couple, who have a son together, did so to ensure that if anything ever happened to Milana, her daughter would remain with Patrick and her younger brother.
But Milana, originally from Lithuania, was horrified when she discovered she would have to adopt her own daughter as part of the process.
“It is unacceptable to me to adopt my own child,” she says.
Patrick was also adopted in similar circumstances, Milana explains.
His father adopted him and his biological mother also had to adopt him.
“When I spoke with her she said it was the most heartbreaking part when she had to sign away her child and then adopt him,” Milana says.
She says it just goes to show that this law has remained unchanged for many years.
Milana worries that when her daughter grows up she might ask questions about her “real mother”.
“How can I prove it because we will have an adoption certificate but no birth certificate. It’s just crazy,” she says.
She also objects to having to be Garda vetted to prove she can care for her own child and needing “to be checked for child protection services in my country and in the countries I have lived”.
Big problem
“It’s okay for the social worker to come to the house to talk to my husband and my daughter,” she says, “but I don’t see a need for me to be involved in the adoption except to agree with my husband adopting my child; my daughter has been living with me all her life.”
The child’s natural father remains in Lithuania. Milana says her daughter treats Patrick as her dad.
“She calls my husband ‘dad’: she knows him as her father. He should be allowed to adopt without me having to adopt also.”
The couple lobbied current Minister for Justice Frances Fitzgerald when she held the children’s portfolio.
They were told the matter was an anomaly and was being reviewed. They have put their plans for adoption on hold for the moment.
“I know that even if I get all the documents and go through the whole process; when it comes to the part where I have to adopt my own child I would not,” Milana says.
“If men want to adopt their wives’ children, I don’t see why they should be creating such a big problem.
“It is very sad that the law is so unfair to mothers.”
