Two monks took a walk by the river. One was older and a teacher; the other was a student. They stopped to rest at a place where the water ran deep.
The young man fired one question after another at the older monk: “What does this river say to us about our lives? What is the source of its energy?” The older monk stepped closer to him, put his hand on his back and pushed him in. The young monk sank to the bottom and when he surfaced, looking startled, the older monk smiled and said: “Now you know.”
The most important lesson I learned on my recent silent retreat in St Flannan’s in Ennis was that the only way to discover what meditation can teach us is by practising every day.
On that retreat, we sat for up to 12 hours a day hearing the same careful instructions over and over again. Each one was aimed at helping us to connect with the breath and the body. Repeated practise of the same exercise allowed us to sharpen and refine our awareness of both.
James, from Cork, who led us with a lightness of touch, pressed the play button on the CD player and we heard the Burmese teacher’s voice. To steady our restless minds he guided us to focus first on the air passing in and out of our nostrils.
When we found it difficult to connect with these sensations, he instructed us to breathe hard. Three times. Once we found the precise place where we could feel the air entering and leaving the body, we came back to breathing softly and nailing our attention to that spot.
Breathing sensation
I began to notice that the sensation of breathing in was more prominent in my left nostril. Later I became aware of sensations inside my nose.
I also re-discovered my breath as a vital force that charged my body with energy and life as I breathed in. And as I exhaled, I released and radiated this force. Pleasure and calm coursed through my body and mind.
In the first few days it took time to steady our restless minds, but we learned with practise to come to that stillness much faster. It was like doing scales on the piano.
By the fourth day – and for each of the remaining six days – we were ready to shift our attention around the whole of the body.
Starting at the top of the head, we repeatedly moved our attention up and down the body from our toes to the tip of our head. At first we took our time moving our attention inch by inch.
We were encouraged not to be surprised, disheartened or depressed when we met strong sensations in particular parts of the body. We were asked to allow our awareness to flow through the body, noting any sensation we found, and minding it for a few moments before letting it go.
Dull and numb
I noticed places in my body that were tingling with feeling. And there were parts of me that felt dull, numb, tight and painful. With practise I could scan my body efficiently and connect closely with subtle sensations in my forgotten parts. I began to notice where my energy was blocked. There was tightness in my shoulders, down my back, in the lower abdomen, and in my legs. The temptation to rid myself of pain was strong. And yet we were under strict instructions to simply pay attention, let the pain be, and continue scanning our bodies.
I learned that mindfulness is not only about becoming aware and connecting with the body. It’s also about knowing that these sensations are not permanent. They bubble up and they pass once we can hold them in awareness.
I watched myself do exactly the opposite. I would spin off from different sensations into some story about how I wanted to hold on to some feeling that made me feel good. And I watched as I tried to rid myself of other sensations because I didn’t want them in my life.
Only after we worked at becoming aware of these accessible sensations in our bodies, were we allowed – on the eighth day – to go anywhere near the big stuff, the feelings and emotions that lived beneath the surface.
Tony Bates is founding director of Headstrong – The National Centre for Youth Mental Health..