The queen of England. Those padlocks clogging the railings of a Parisian bridge with love. Himself. A dog. A girl. Himself. A stormtrooper painted on a bin. Himself. Kanye West. Himself.
Welcome to Brooklyn Beckham on Instagram.
The son of a retired footballer and a retired Spice Girl may only be 16, but he already has 4.2 million followers. You can blame yourselves.
You can also blame yourselves for the fact that he has just become the first male cover star of Teen Vogue. If you keep lying down with brand Beckham, you’ll get Beckham-loving fleas.
Brooklyn, who is still at school in London, where he is embarking on his A-level studies, hopes to go to the US to study art. Meanwhile, he is dabbling in a spot of modelling.
“He is incredibly photogenic and has the handsome looks to be considered for some high-profile, big-money work,” an industry source said. No genetic surprises there.
Do you care what Brooklyn says or does? You soon will if the marketing works and the celebrity-sucking media have our way.
Meanwhile, while the world waits for Brooklyn to go all Bieber on us, and hit the teeny stratosphere, he has some words of wisdom.
Fashion?
Brooklyn has a pedigree that eclipses most mortal attempts at style. He is also alive, which gives him the edge on his style icons James Dean and Steve McQueen.
Asked to choose which parent gives better fashion advice, he wisely tells Teen Vogue that both of them do. “My mum knows a lot about fashion,” he says of Victoria, a successful designer, “but obviously I listen to my dad as he has great style and we share clothes.”
Arguably, David also wins hands down in the underwear stakes, but we are hoping that Brooklyn isn’t kitted out in his father’s H&M knickers. That wouldn’t be a good look.
Intellect?
Brooklyn’s most starstruck moment, ever, wasn’t meeting Kanye or any of his parents’ superstar friends, it was meeting Stephen Hawking. Yes, physics not the physical, floats Brooklyn’s boat.
Practical advice?
Where else would you turn for tips on how to give good Instagram than Brooklyn Beckham?
Tip one: take a new approach to the selfie and try to keep your face out of the picture. (Brooklyn may talk this walk, but he doesn't necessarily walk it.)
Tip two: don't ask people to follow you. Brooklyn has pride. You should too.
Tip three: No selfie sticks. Ever.
Tip four: lay off the filters. Brooklyn thinks you should let nature shine through. If you are older than 16, you might want to ignore this one.
Tip five: have fun.
Again, this is easier said than done. If your dad didn’t play football for Manchester United and your mum didn’t climb on a taxi to open the Olympic Games, you might find having fun a little more tricky than Brooklyn, who was born in Funsville, Funtown, UK.
Alternatively, you could do what you do with most 16-year-olds, and ignore him.
