Everything changes - or does it? Civil servants prepare for the 'new' minister . . .
TWO PUBLIC servants, one civil, one a tad less so, standing outside the Department of Transport having a smoke.
Civil Servant (CS): So, what do you think of the news on our minister?
Uncivil Servant (US): News? You mean they've finally filled Cullen's little boots?
CS: What do you mean "finally"? Hasn't Noel Dempsey been our boss for the past year?
US: Noel who? Never heard of him. Mate of Cullen's was he?
CS: Doubt it. How could you not know him? Weren't you there last September when we confronted him to ask what we were supposed to be doing now that he'd farmed out all our duties to quangos?
US: Volunteering for work? Doesn't sound like me. I must've been hiding in the jacks that day. What possessed you to do that, you lunatics?
CS: Because we were bored witless.
US: Speak for yourself, pal. I'm quite happy scratching myself, waiting for automatic promotion and my massive pension. Not that I'm doing nothing, mind. It's hard work looking busy.
Ask Cullen. But I don't know why I even bother sometimes. It's not like they can sack me, is it? What did this Dempsey say anyway?
CS: That he ran a different kind of ship to his predecessor. "No lust for the limelight," I do believe he said.
US: Ah, I remember him now. Nondescript geezer. Looks like a country accountant. Cube for a head? Brillo pad for hair? Answer for everything? That the fella you're on about?
CS: The very one.
US: I'd forgotten all about him. Still, you can hardly blame me. I never saw the guy from one week to the next. Not even in the papers.
CS: That's the point. He said he was quite happy to get everyone from the NRA to the RSA to the DAA to the RPA do his work for him. I presume that's so he won't get strung up when the country's whole infrastructure collapses. He'll just blame them and hide behind a pile of Transport 21 prospectuses.
US: A man after my own heart. Sounds like a genius to me.
CS: That's what he said.
US: Here, speaking of Cullen, did I ever tell you about the time I walked into his office and caught him standing on his chair, looking into the mirror, asking it who was the fairest of them all?
CS: No you didn't.
US: It was gas. I crept up behind him and said "Briannnn Coweeennn" in one of those ghouly voices you hear on Scooby Doo. I had to catch him when he fell over. No bother, mind. He's a real lightweight. That said, he always had me in stitches, Martini. Never out of trouble. I often miss him. Even if he did have us running round like blue-arsed flies.
CS: Well, that was the point of our little pow-wow with Dempsey. Working for him was about as fulfilling as watching you pick your nails on a wet Monday morning in February.
US: Very funny. So what's this new fella like anyway?
CS: Didn't you hear? There is no new minister. It's still Dempsey.
US: Ah, deadly. I was worried we'd get another one of those go-getter types who'd have us drumming up publicity stunts all day. If I never see that Glenda with the mad eyebrows again it'll be too soon.
CS: We'll see. You never know what Dempsey will think up. Fancies himself as a bit of an ideas man.
US: As opposed to Cullen, who just fancied himself?
CS: Indeed. Personally, I suspect we're in for another year of twiddling our thumbs.
US: Well, if you don't like it, you know what you can do. Go get a job in the real world. I reckon you'd last 10 minutes. I'm off to the pub. Coming?
CS: Oh, all right. Pint-sized Martinis all round? For old times' sake?
