All I want for Christmas is . . . a day learning something new. Nothing cultural or educational, mind you. Something mindless, adrenalin-fuelled and preferably very childish. Rally driving, hotwiring a Luas or driving a tank over things.
Christmas is a busy time because . . . I'm straight out on tour on December 27th so I won't have that much time at home.
Christmas really starts for me when . . . I do the last Today FM show of the year and the last episode of The Blame Game for BBC Northern Ireland. The drive back from Belfast when the last episode is in the can is where I go full Bing Crosby. It takes ages to roast a chestnut on the car's cigarette lighter.
My best Christmas present: We fostered a dog one Christmas and he ended up staying with us for years. That dog gave us so much joy every single day of his life that it was the best gift imaginable.
My most bizarre Christmas gift: A close family member got me a bedside lamp once. One that clips onto a headboard. I could be missing a trick on this. There's probably a frustrated genie knocking around somewhere.
That Christmassy feeling: Lights on Grafton and Henry Street in Dublin. The ESB ad with a very young Alan Hughes.
That Grinchy feeling: I like the whole festive season too much to be wound up by anything, even our Irish idiosyncrasies, like the tendency to buy booze like we're the love children of Oliver Reed and Bacchus.
Christmas at home: It would have to involve the full Christmas dinner complete with all the trimmings. Then some family members would have a row over a boardgame while the rest watched Ben Hur for about seven hours. Throw in a light dusting of snow outside, a turf fire and copious amounts of Quality Street and you're well on the way to a decent Christmas day.
The essential Christmas ingredients: Spending time with family, not taking things too seriously. That, and quality stuffing. Don't skimp on the butter.
Neil Delamere's new tour, Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Pensioner, kicks off on December 27th. Dates and tickets at www.neildelamere.com
