Kevin McPhillips (52) from Co Dublin is a freelance change manager living in Linlithgow, Scotland. He moved to UK in 1986.

I asked my 10-year-old daughter Tara last week how I should vote in the upcoming EU referendum. She emphatically replied “STAY!” and proceeded to tell me we’re better off in, that we help people when they need help, and might need help ourselves some day. She was shocked I asked the question. I then got her to place an X in the Remain box on my ballot paper, and posted it.

I’m under no illusion that the EU is perfect, but I firmly believe the economic case for the UK to remain is sound. The security case is also sound. The democracy case for leaving is absurd; the UK has a crude, unrepresentative electoral system, and about 800 unelected people in the House of Lords. The EU is far better than that, although its size swallows up some of our voice.

I left Ireland in 1986, disappointed by the defeat of the divorce referendum, but energised by thoughts of a fresh career start in London. A couple of years later, I had been transferred to Edinburgh, and I've been there, or near there, ever since. The Scottish referendum had an impact on where I get work. Right now, most of my work is in London, but good links mean I can get there easily enough, and FaceTime helps with family chats.

My lovely wife Marian is Scottish; my three kids are Scottish, but with a sense of Irishness. I visit my parents in Dublin every few months, and usually get to hang out with old friends when I’m there. It’s not too far. I’ve long considered myself European, and often remember the phrase from reading Peig at school “is ar scáth a chéile a mhairimid” - we live in each other’s shadow. The principle is still the same.

As a young man in London, I had a great time. Then, and since, I regularly visited other European countries, and liked to think we had more in common than any differences. Now, as a family man, I like my lot in Scotland. I still like to think of us as part of a bigger community and union. To leave would put an invisible wall between the UK and her neighbours.

Some of my friends in Scotland think this is a good thing, and then argue about immigration and straight bananas. But people will always move, and bananas will never be fully straight. I’m still unsure why the UK has four national football teams, though.

My disappointment in the 1986 divorce referendum in Ireland was balanced by the Irish reaction to Band Aid, when, as a nation, we donated more than the UK. It wasn’t a competition, but it says a lot about Irish generosity and compassion. That seems missing in the UK. There are many generous people, but not enough understanding.

Perhaps that’s the way the media works now. Conclusions are reached via soundbites, or through social media where an emotional picture with a message superimposed is absorbed without thought, regardless of truth. It doesn’t help that there has been no tangible leadership of the remain campaign here, no firm, unequivocal messages, no passion, just laziness.

Then there’s the North. I know it’s complicated, but I suspect the current peace was greatly helped by Ireland and the UK being part of a bigger Union.

If the UK leaves the EU, I really don’t know what that means for me or my family. The outlook for the UK economy is not good if Brexit happens. My roots are here now, but I would regret the divide. People should pull together. Our fortune relies on that of our neighbours, and vice versa, so I really hope we don’t pull apart - “is ar scáth a chéile a mhairimid”.