UPFRONT:I'M SORTING THROUGH boxes marked "jumble" for the car boot sale on Saturday. My boyfriend is busy being annoyingly sceptical about whether the jumble-buying public will be interested in the assorted bric-a-brac of my life.
"You hoofed that lampshade home from Delhi, never bothered to hang it yourself and now you think some eejit is going to pay €5 for the privilege?" is how he puts it. It's a quality lampshade, by the way, hand-crafted in whimsical, pre-colonial style with sophisticated mirror detail - €4.50 and it's yours.
In the current economic climate, it might not seem prudent to be chucking stuff out, but we are belatedly downsizing.
I've been yearning for the minimalist lifestyle for years and am determined to achieve it, even if it means saying goodbye to my Patsy Palmer - her from EastEnders- "urban" workout video (50 cent). Ditto the 10 Minute Miracle, a beginner's guide to yoga which sad to report I never actually began. Meanwhile, Latina Tone, a workout video featuring "Lilia from Strictly Come Dancing" hasn't even been opened. Let's say €2 and I'll throw in a pair of cycling gloves.
Now, this event is not your average tat-fest, so I am hoping my junk - WeightWatchers points calculator for a bargaintastic €1 anyone? - will pass muster. On a recce at the Toe Jam Car Boot Sale in Dublin a few months ago, where I bought a stunning black sequined beret (€3), which I am reselling this Saturday (€2), I noticed that most of the sellers were Pearl Lowe lookalikes, all skinny jeans, wayfarers and vintage chic. I will be bringing my own brand of chic - whatever I can find that is vaguely clean and fits me - and my own brand of junk - too-small skirts I never should have bought - and I just hope I don't get kicked out for looking more Del Boy than Peaches Geldof on the day.
I can't wait. Finally, after years of thinking it would look great in the spare room but in fact letting it languish at the back of the hot press, I am letting go of that vast pink and orange bedspread (let's say a tenner, it really is vast). It's also farewell to the Laurel and Hardy video which has never been out of its box. €3 for three classic films - it's the cheapest Christmas gift you'll find this year, guv'nor, and no mistake.
From the eminently collectable to the woefully white elephantine; I don't know where I picked up the mini vial of holy water with a wedding couple perched happily on the lid but it is yours for 10 cent, although should a bidding war ensue I cannot be held responsible for escalating prices.
What else? Ah yes, a pack of Shoeisms (€1), described on the front of the box as "thought-provoking cards for women". I pick one at random and I get a card called: "Don't be a hoarder, Let things go". Spooky. According to the card, "too many possessions clutter your life. Start decluttering now with your wardrobe. You only wear 20 per cent of what you own. Let go of all the things you don't wear. Do the same with your other possessions. Let things go when they have served their purpose. What can you let go of now?"
Shoes, since you ask. Boxes of them. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of bringing them up North to give the in-laws-in-waiting a car boot preview. The shoes were gone as soon as you could say Imelda Marcos in a Nordie accent. The MBTs, the pale pink stilettos, the comfy red slip-ons, gone all gone. Don't tell them but I somehow managed to hold on to a pair of wine-coloured wedges, barely worn, size six, that cost €60 new last month but which can soon be cluttering the bottom of your wardrobe for, oh, I don't know, a tenner?
Roll up, roll up, it's the self-help book sale of the century. I have an inspirational tome by the guy who wrote The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari(€1). I have another called Life: A Trip Towards Trust(50 cent) with a trustworthy-looking guy on the cover. There's Quantum Wellnessby Kathy Freston (€1) as recommended by Oprah and The Wisdom Of Asia 365 Days(€2), which might sound expensive but that's a whole lot of Asian wisdom right there for not very many eurobucks.
I'll also be shifting a selection of bags (around a fiver a pop) that will make your Christmas party outfit sing, and a magpie's nest of jewellery that I never wear any more but would look only gorgeous on you or your loved one or possibly your ma.
Liberating and empowering, I've discovered decluttering also offers the opportunity to off-load stuff you "borrowed" from people and shamefully never remembered to give back. So if you lent me a video of cult classic Clerks 10 years ago and have been cursing me ever since, you should head down to Toe Jam today. It's free to you. But if you don't turn up, it's going for €2 to a discerning customer.
The Toe Jam Car Boot Sale is at 1pm-6pm today behind the Bernard Shaw pub on South Richmond Street, Portobello, Dublin 8. All proceeds from Róisín's car boot will go to the older people's charity, CareLocal.
roisin@irish-times.ie
