The motto I live my life by is, “I’d buy any oul shite.” I am an advertiser’s dream.
I let myself be dazzled by anything new and exciting, even if I suspect that it's crap, because I need the thrill. The rational voice in my head telling me that I already have 11 pairs of black boots (to take just one example) gets overridden by me shouting, "Shut up, shut up, I am aboard this dopamine train and I am not alighting until the final stop at Purchase Euphoria!"
So when Fenty, Rihanna's make-up range dropped, I almost had to be hospitalised from adrenaline overload.
Several weeks later, doesn’t she bring out a long-last liquid lipstick and I almost died entirely. There’s only one colour, called Stunna, a magical shade of red that allegedly “suits all skin tones”.
I believe claims like these to be codswallop and when I actually saw the lipstick, it looked too orange-y for my liking – but it didn’t matter.
“The applicator is brilliant,” the saleswoman says.
“Yes, I want –”
“It’s got an amazing long-last formu-”
“Yes, I want –”
“It’s non-dryi-”
“I’ll take it,” I yell. “Stop saying words, just give it to me!”
So she does.
Now, a liquid lipstick is an odd yoke – this goes on like gloss but dries like matt.
This particular formula is quite gloopy and you’d need a lip brush on standby, just in case any of it decided to go rogue. And if it does, you could – as I did – end up with a face that looks like an abattoir. But if you get it right in the first swoop, it looks astonishing.
Unseemly to boast and all that, but it made me look amazing. My skin looked clear, my teeth looked white, my eyes looked green, and my hair looked shiny.
It’s the most statement of any red I’ve ever seen. You’d want to be very sure of yourself to wear it in the daytime. And it laaaaaaaasts. The weird thing was that even though it came off on the side of cups and glasses, the colour on my mouth stayed unchangingly vibrant.
After six hours it had gone a bit Joker-esque on the corners, but it was still going strong and hadn’t dried out my lips even slightly.
To be brief, it’s brilliant. If you can keep it under control while you’re putting it on (and that’s a challenge) it’s the red lipstick to end all red lipsticks.
