When 19-year-old Israeli soldier Arik Frankenthal was kidnapped and murdered in 1994 by Hamas, his family were devastated. In an effort to come to terms with their loss, his father joined with several other bereaved families in Israel to found the Parents Circle – Families Forum. Later, recognising that grief is not confined by borders, religious or political, they established links with Palestinian families in Gaza similarly affected. Today they work together for peace. These words of the prophet Jeremiah remind us that grief has been with us down the ages: “A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.”
Recent research from Queen’s University Belfast points to the need for better care for victims of the long years of political violence on this island. It recognised a prolonged grief disorder – different to ‘normal’ grief – which leads to “persistent yearning or missing the deceased, or preoccupation with the circumstance of the death and difficulty engaging with the new social or other activities due to the loss”.
The American novelist William Faulkner said: “History is not was, history is is”, and that is true for everyone living today. We are living with what happened yesterday and the day before, and fortunate if the past has been kind to us. That is not the case for those who suffer because of violence that need not have happened, and while society at large may want to move on, that is not an option for a family who cannot forget because of an empty chair at the table.
[ Thinking Anew: Confronting a legacy of human depravity from Hiroshima to UkraineOpens in new window ]
The subject of forgiveness which is sometimes raised in this connection is discussed in tomorrow’s gospel reading: “Then Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, 77 times.”
Texts such as this can be used to put pressure on victims of violence but the Korean theologian Min-Ah Cho suggests it is not that straightforward. “Nowhere does Jesus suggest that forgiving entails forgetting, nor does he suggest that forgiveness justifies, minimises, or excuses the wrong… The process of forgiving involves acknowledging both the victim and the offender, reflecting on the wrong committed, and deciding how and what to think about it. The process can move forward only when the victim is ready and willing.”
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union
An important feature of the Parents Circle – Families Forum is its acknowledgment that grief is universal, as real for Palestinian families as it is for Israeli families. Political and religious barriers are irrelevant, something not easily accepted in Ireland, where compassion can be tribal with some considered best forgotten.
We had an example of this in the recent documentary presented by RTÉ’s Europe Editor Tony Connelly, who revealed that his grandfather had been an RIC constable from Co Galway. As part of the recent season of centenaries, a proposal by the Government to commemorate the 542 RIC and Dublin Metropolitan Policemen who had been killed during the War of Independence was dropped because of resistance, mostly political.
[ Thinking Anew: As flesh and blood we make sense of faithOpens in new window ]
The peace prayer associated with St Francis of Assisi was probably not written by him. Experts tell us that its first known publication was in Paris in the early 20th century, in a small French magazine called La Clochette. Whatever its origins, it expresses in a perfect way the Christian duty to care for the wounded and grieving in our society – especially those who feel forgotten and abandoned.
“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.”
To live this prayer is to be a healer, a reconciler, a peace maker and, importantly, a true patriot.