And just like that, we bid adieu to the school summer holidays. The weather didn’t co-operate. The kids didn’t always either. But now it’s time for a new school year, and a return to the routine of old, and the beginning of a new one, for some.
From lunches the kids will actually eat, to friendships, homework battles, costs and anxiety, parents have a lot to consider as their children and teens gear up for the new academic year. So, we spoke to some teachers and other experts to get some practical advice to help everyone get back-to-school ready.
Managing return anxiety
It’s important that parents acknowledge that it can be hard to readjust, while also reminding children that things will get easier, says Dr Colman Noctor, child and adolescent psychotherapist. “Try to advocate for the positive such as ‘you will have your favourite teacher next year. You’ll be making your Communion/Confirmation. You’ll get time to see your friends’,” he suggests. “Be the balance because all they can see are the negatives.”
With teenagers a similar approach is possible, though the messaging will differ, Noctor says. “Emphasise the increased opportunities for independence and autonomy – once that’s not what they’re nervous about. Reassure them that if they encounter any difficulties, you will help them manage whatever happens.”
Lunch box quandaries
We know the tale of the lowly lunchtime apple that starts its journey to school on a Monday, only to repeat the trip throughout the week, never quite making it to the stage of consumption. And let’s not get started on the sandwiches lovingly prepared only to return home untouched. So, where are we going wrong?
Jolene Cox, author and online cookery school owner, says parents should “involve children in the process. From planning out what they’re going to eat, to making the grocery shopping list. Let them do the prep themselves. Encourage them to pack their own lunch – that way they’re more inclined to eat it, because they know exactly what they’re getting”.
For younger children, Cox recommends using lunch boxes with compartments, which can make lunch “more fun for them”. Fun sandwich-cutter shapes can help too.
[ Simple, home-made back-to-school recipes that the kids will approve ofOpens in new window ]
“Try to create healthier versions of their favourite food. Swap out their bakes for wholegrains. If they want a ham sandwich, maybe they might eat a wholegrain ham sandwich,” she says. Smaller portions are less daunting.
“A hot food flask is great for leftovers and winter”, she adds.
Homework battlegrounds
Ideally parents shouldn’t get involved in homework battles, says psychotherapist Colman Noctor.
“In primary school the evidence of the benefits of homework is weak, and so damaging your relationship with your child and their relationship with education is not worth it in terms of the cost-benefit analysis,” he says. “Set a time to complete homework and whatever you get done in that time is it. Explain to the teacher your reasoning and make sure the child is not sanctioned for incomplete work. This is especially important if the child has any learning needs.”
In secondary school, he says, most children need to be in autonomous control of their own work.
“While this might not be up to your adult standard, nagging doesn’t work,” he says. “By all means encourage your child to invest in school work but, in my 26 years of working with families, I have yet to see a child voluntarily change their application to homework or study in response to effective parental nagging.”
Encouraging independence
For secondary-school students, particularly those just starting, independence can be encouraged in small ways, says teacher Sonya Heslin of Bandon Grammar School.
“Having their school uniform laid out for the next morning” is one way she suggests. If they’re not already, Heslin recommends “encouraging the students at this point to make their own lunch”.
“Looking at the time table for five minutes at night time to make sure that if they have PE or baking tomorrow, they have everything they need with them,” she says.
However, while trying to encourage independence, Heslin cautions that every parent knows their own child and what they will manage.
“Some children will rise to that autonomy, others will sink. I would say for the first two months, see if they sink or swim and then maybe re-evaluate at the October midterm,” Heslin says. “If you think your child is sinking, you’ll intervene and look for supports in school, but many children rise to the challenge and thrive.
Friendships
Getting involved in activities is really important, secondary schoolteacher Heslin says. While some schools really encourage this, not all do. “It’s where friendships are born and, most importantly, I feel schools should be fostering a sense of belonging, a sense of feeling like you’re part of the community,” she says.
In primary school parents can have some involvement in play dates when it comes to fostering friendships, but it’s much tougher when children become teenagers, psychotherapist Noctor says. At this age you can’t really do anything “other than support your child to create opportunities for friendship. That’s really hard but that’s the reality,”, he says. “Be interested in their friendship choices and offer support, but that’s the extent of your influence with teenagers”.
Back to basics
If it’s a new school, or there’s been a gap between siblings attending, familiarise yourself with the school rules and best practice. Things such as ensuring children have Velcro shoes, a lunch box they can manage, can zip up their coat, have a suitably-sized schoolbag and can use the toilet independently are vital for those starting junior infants, says Robbie O’Connell, principal at St Brendan’s National School.
Let your school know about any significant events that have occurred over the summer. The good and the bad.
“After any holiday period, I ask for significant information. If the dog dies. If the goldfish dies. If granny, God forbid, dies,” O’Connell says. “A lot of parents think that’s our own business and the school don’t need to know. We do need to know ... it’s quite significant if a parent is ill, a child had a very up-and-down summer. The supports are there, but we can’t help if we don’t know about it.”
Climbing costs
If you’re struggling with costs “talk to the school. All schools are approachable”, school principal O’Connell says. “Be it down to school tours, trips, swimming”, there are options to pay in instalments, he explains. “There’s no need to be embarrassed about it. Just talk to us”.
As for voluntary contributions – “the voluntary contribution is voluntary. It’s not chased down”, O’Connell says of his school.
To screen or not to screen
After a long summer parents may be wondering if they should get rid of screens altogether during the school week, but it’s not necessarily a problem, psychotherapist Noctor explains. “Once it is time-limited and comes after other activitivities like homework, dinner and extracurricular activities.
In fact, “if you only allow it at weekends, you can encourage bingeing”, he says. “Limit the time during the week and reward them when they come off without arguments or stress”.
Chillax parents
For those about to start secondary, the most important thing parents can do is relax themselves, teacher Heslin says. “The kids are quite resilient, and the more we talk about it, and the bigger deal we make of this, the more challenging it is for a student. If the parents are relaxed and positive, the student will be relaxed and positive.”
“I’d also say to instil confidence in a child, if they’re having a problem, don’t rush to fix the problem for them. Ask the child what advice they’d give to a friend in the same situation and they often know the answer far better than we do as parents,” she says.
Your last-minute back-to-school checklist
Label everything: Every single thing. Individual crayons, tops of lunch boxes, ties, even shoes. If it’s not surgically attached to your child, label it.
Schoolbag size: Make sure your child’s schoolbag is big enough to hold an A4 folder
Lunch box logistics: Check your school’s healthy eating policy. Nothing upsets a child like bringing in a food for lunch that’s not permitted
Toilet time: Reassure small children that it’s okay to ask to use the bathroom at school
Set for study: Coloured zip folders for each subject can help secondary-school students to be more organised.
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