What does the word disability mean to you?
To me, it is a part of who I am. It is not all of me, and it does not define me, but it is a part of me. It makes up my experiences, my perspective and gives me a unique understanding of how the world works.
If we take all emotion out of it and focus solely on the facts, my eyes do not have the ability to work, leaving them disabled. Medically and literally, that is the fact of the matter. But why is this such a taboo subject? Why are we running away from the facts? Maybe it is because we don’t know what to do when someone is not the same and most of us humans fear the unknown.
What if I told you that people with disabilities were proud of their difference? It is added on to the list of traits/descriptors of ourselves: brown hair, white skin and blue eyes that don’t work.
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It is trendy to be low maintenance or completely self sufficient – so what happens when you have a disability, but you also wish to be independent? Take me, for example; I live out of my family home and pretty much run my house myself and am working full time. On the rare occasion I need to ask my boyfriend to help me with something, it kills me.
This does not include the times I ask him to do the bins – this is a blue job that I technically could do, but as I said, it’s a blue job!
While I am so proud of my disability, and actually am so proud of my eyes for going through all they have gone through, I am also terrified of “looking blind” in public. Every time I leave the house, there are voices in my head saying that my shoes don’t match, my makeup is smudged, there is a stain on my shirt, etc. Of course, I take a lot of measures to ensure that this does not happen, but as I can’t visually confirm this to myself, I find it hard to reassure the voices.
How can I be so proud of something, but also so scared to fit the stereotype of the same thing? This is a question I do not have the answer to, despite all of the soul searching.
We are getting more used to celebrating difference and honouring imperfections as a nation, but, yet, for those of us who live differently with disabilities, there is a heavy undertone which carries the burden of stereotypes.
Is this because the stereotypes of people with disabilities are often unrealistic, or very intense? We can solve all of the world’s economic and mathematical problems in a matter of minutes, our emotions are heightened so we know you are sad before you do, and we all crave danger because of an addiction to adrenalin.
While some of these may be true and there is nothing wrong with that, not everyone with a disability fits that mould. What about those of us who don’t consider their disability to be a superpower, but equally don’t view it negatively? We go about our days working and learning like the rest of you but we just do things differently.
If I wear sunglasses I don’t look blind. Even with my guide dog, apparently.
I know this because, on more than one occasion, I have been asked if I am walking the dog for “my blind friend”, or I have overheard a child ask “is that lady blind?” to which the adult replied “no, no” in horror. None of these people did anything wrong and both were very respectful, but I do find it fascinating that since I have lost all of my sight – so am more blind than ever – I come across as sighted. What is even more fascinating is people’s reaction when they realise I am, in fact, a walking, talking, blind person, out in public – on my own!
I have said before that one of my favourite parts about having a disability is making other people squirm and double take; and this was definitely true when those around me realised I was blind, but wearing a matching workout set and holding a hot coffee – all on my own.
I see in real time the perceptions and opinions of people change when they realise I am blind: as if before they met me they thought blind people were something else, something less. I wonder if society hadn’t painted these specific stereotypes of people with disabilities, would we be seen differently?
Would it be less awkward in work when someone discloses a disability?
I can’t speak for everyone with a disability, but I do know that many of us feel we are most proud of something society fears. If we do not fit the mould, people don’t know what to do with us. How do we deal with someone who can’t see, but is very intelligent but also can’t play the piano and sing like an angel? How do we deal with an autistic person who hates maths? Big questions with simple answers: ask the person to find out.
If you have a disability, I hope you are proud of it.
I hope you learn to love it. I hope you surround yourself with people who want all of you and not just the parts equal to theirs.
I hope we can all learn to judge less.
I hope we will have open minds as we go through life and develop big, genuine hearts. I hope we can create a world where differences are seen as they are; nothing more, nothing to be ashamed of.
