Imagine this. You’re sitting with your healthcare provider, maybe your therapist or GP, maybe even your physio, talking about your mental or physical wellbeing.
Then, they gently ask a question you didn’t expect: “Have you ever wondered if you might be neurodivergent?”
You might feel confused, relieved, annoyed, or feel like you’re being told there’s something wrong with you. You may not have heard the word before. Or maybe you’ve wondered about it privately, but never said it out loud.
If this is you, and you’re struggling under an avalanche of thoughts and emotions, that’s okay. It makes sense that it feels like a lot.
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Why might a healthcare professional suggest neurodivergence?
Neurodivergence refers to natural variations in how people think, learn, and experience the world. This includes differences such as autism, ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), and sensory processing disorders, among others.
When a clinician brings this up, it’s rarely a shot in the dark. They’ve likely noticed patterns in your behaviour, your history, or how you respond to the world that align with neurodivergent profiles.
Some of the issues that may have sparked their curiosity include:
- Sensory differences. You might be overwhelmed by overlapping noise, bright lights, or scratchy clothes. You may need music to focus or feel panicked when a room is just a little too warm. Maybe you ferociously rub your feet together to soothe yourself to sleep. Maybe you seek stimulation, or avoid it. If you can’t adjust the sensory environment, it’s not just disappointing, it’s unbearable.
- Harsh self-talk. You might describe yourself as lazy, disorganised, or too sensitive. Many neurodivergent people blame themselves for struggling in systems not designed for them. If the people around you don’t seem to share your challenges, it’s easy to internalise the idea that you’re the problem.
- Lifelong struggles. Maybe anxiety, social challenges, or problems managing time and tasks have been with you for as long as you can remember. Perhaps things got harder in adolescence or when you left home, but really, the difficulties have always been there.
Formal identification isn’t always necessary to start understanding and accommodating your needs. Especially within the autistic community, self-identification is broadly accepted as valid and can allow you to begin to explore neurodiversity-affirming supports
- Dependence on structure. You might rely on routines, lists, or rituals to function. When plans change suddenly, it can knock you sideways. It’s not about being inflexible. These systems are how you cope.
- Minimal progress despite best efforts. You’re working hard in therapy or self-help, but nothing sticks the way it should. Often, therapeutic approaches are designed with neurotypical brains in mind. That mismatch can leave you feeling like nothing works, no matter how hard you try.
- A long trail of diagnoses. Folks who experience emotional dysregulation, and especially women, can be offered a string of labels that don’t quite explain what’s going on. Like a mental health Goldilocks, you may have found none of these diagnoses fits just right.
The emotional impact of the neurodiversity chat
Some people feel seen. You’ve had a suspicion for a while and now have a reason to explore it further. Part of you may feel relieved.
Others feel hurt, confused or defensive. Is your clinician suggesting something is off about you or blaming you for your challenges? You might think your therapist is writing you off, suggesting things won’t get better. You might imagine they think poorly of you and feel judged or diminished.
These reactions are understandable. Especially since neurodiversity is heavily stigmatised and often misunderstood.
We might have caricaturised ideas of what autistic or ADHD people are like based on bias and stereotypes. We may struggle to see ourselves within our limited view of the label we’re being offered.
Your healthcare provider’s intentions
This isn’t about giving you a label and sending you off. It’s not about undermining the reasons you sought help in the first place. It’s about offering a new way of looking at things that may help life make more sense.
As a psychotherapist who’s had many of these conversations, and as someone who came to understand my own neurodivergence in adulthood, I can offer some insight into what your provider likely hopes for you:
Understand yourself more clearly
Understanding how your brain works helps you to meet your needs and make sense of your experiences and history. The challenges have never been based on a personality flaw. You’re just running on a different operating system.
Less self-blame, more compassion
Many neurodivergent people have spent years blaming themselves for things that were never about effort or attitude. Recognising that your struggles have a reason can help you respond to yourself more gently.
Manage your energy
Masking, the process of constantly presenting a curated version of yourself to fit in, can take a huge toll. You might have suppressed behaviours or avoided preferences to “pass” for neurotypical. Dropping that mask, even a little, can create space for more joy and less burnout.
Process the emotional impact
Realising you’re neurodivergent can bring up grief. It can be hard to shed a negative self-concept, even when it was based on faulty assumptions. You might look back and feel angry or sad that it took this long to be understood. You might wonder how things would have been different with the right support earlier on. That process is valid, and for many, it’s the beginning of healing.
Should you get assessed?
Assessment isn’t always accessible. Waiting lists can be long and private options expensive. However, formal identification isn’t always necessary to start understanding and accommodating your needs. Especially within the autistic community, self-identification is broadly accepted as valid and can allow you to begin to explore neurodiversity-affirming supports.
You can begin by asking yourself questions like:
- Would assessment help me understand myself and my life better?
- Would it change how I speak to myself in difficult moments?
- Would it allow me to make meaningful changes in how I live?
- Would it help me advocate for myself more effectively – in work, healthcare, or in relationships?
- Could I access support that I hadn’t previously considered?
- Would formal identification offer something that self-guided exploration and learning can’t?
- How would I feel if I went for an assessment only to be told I’m not neurodivergent?
There’s no deadline on learning about yourself, so take your time making this choice. Explore your options. Talk it over with people you trust. Try out this new lens on your life and see if it changes your perspective in valuable ways.
Final thoughts
Exploring neurodivergence isn’t about fixing something broken. It’s about getting to know yourself more truthfully. It’s about understanding your history and experiences, accessing support that fits, and finding ways of living that work for you.
Your healthcare provider likely brought this up not to pathologise you but because they see something important. They see what you’ve been carrying, and they want things to feel less heavy.
The neurodiversity chat isn’t a diagnosis. It’s a gentle nudge in the direction of greater self-acceptance and compassion. A hopeful suggestion that maybe life could feel less like swimming upstream if you were allowed to do things in the way that suits you best.
- Lisa Healy is an accredited integrative psychotherapist at Evidence-Based Therapy Centre. She supports adults navigating trauma, emotional distress, and neurodivergence.
