How do you make a show called Cheap Irish Homes when there’s no such thing as a cheap Irish home? The answer is that you tweak the formula and book some budget airline seats. That’s what we get with Cheap European Homes (RTÉ One, Thursday, 7pm), where presenter Maggie Molloy leaves the old country behind and heads to southern Europe in search of affordable dwellings.
Up for grabs, she says, are “the most exotic and sun-drenched properties the Continent has to offer”. So the grass is greener – even when, technically speaking, it’s also browner.
Our first stop during a chatty and enjoyable opening instalment is central Portugal and the town of Tomar. I’m no Lusophile but from what I can gather Tomar is a bit of an Iberian Longford – vaguely in the Portuguese Midlands and more affordable than the swankier Algarve.
This is where Molloy brings Leonie and Shane – “seasoned travellers” who’ve decided to make a new life in Portugal with a budget of €250,000.
Hidden by One Society restaurant review: Delightful Dublin neighbourhood spot with tasty food and keen prices
Paul Howard: I said I’d never love another dog as much as I loved Humphrey. I was wrong
Gladiator II review: Don’t blame Paul Mescal but there’s no good reason for this jumbled sequel to exist
We had sex maybe once a month. The constant rejection was soul-crushing, it felt like my ex didn’t even like me
A quarter of a million would get you a decrepit out-house in some parts of Ireland. Here, Molloy, accompanied by Lisbon architect Frederica Pereira, uncovers far more wallet-friendly alternatives (Molloy’s regular sidekick, Kieran McCarthy, drew the short straw and is back in Ireland).
There’s a quaint cottage-type structure which, as a bonus, features such retro touches as a sagging ceiling and a collapsing floor. “There is black mould,” says Leonie. “There’s a lot of cracks in the stone walls”. If she was Simon Cowell it would be red buzzer time.
Next is a more modern structure. It’s a bargain at €97,500 – but, standing between two busy roads, has all the charm of a 1960s Irish rural prefab. “The whole house is lacking character,” says Leonie with admirable understatement.
The best is saved for last. It’s a four-bed farmhouse “dripping with Portuguese promise”. Setting aside the fact “Portuguese promise” sounds a dodgy perfume from the 1970s, it’s full of bugs – including a spider larger than, Mutti, the dog Leonie and Shane have waiting back home.
“It kind of looked like medieval times,” says Shane. It’s pricier, too – a whopping-ish euro €195,000. Still, it’s their favourite of the three – with great views and oodles of promise. This moment proves emotional to Leonie, who wipes away tears and tells Shane that she was right to talk him into taking part.
Their plan is to return to the site and further investigate its potential. Whatever happens, they’re gung-ho about their move to Portugal – which says a lot about their adventurous spirit and also tells us a great deal about the state of the Irish property market.
