Matt Hancock crawling blindfolded down a mud-filled tunnel. Seann Walsh laughing and laughing (and laughing). Boy George threatening to quit. All it has taken is the introduction of one wildly unpopular former British health secretary and I’m a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! (Virgin Media One, Wednesday, 9pm) has morphed from icky reality TV to unhinged fever dream.
How unhinged? Consider that one 10-minute stretch features Hancock, the former Conservative minister, repeatedly calling the DJ Chris Moyles “Greg” and Walsh, the comedian, impersonating a fictional Antipodean wildfowl, followed by Hancock and Walsh – sounds like a bad detective drama from the 1970s – scurrying off to a secret hideout where they enjoy a bounty of Bakewell tarts and tea, a reward for the duo of “moles” and their high jinks. And all soundtracked by Walsh’s incessant giggles.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ gasps the Corrie actor Sue Cleaver. ‘I can’t help thinking he should be at work,’ says Moyles, referring to the fact that Hancock is still an MP and that parliament is still in session
What’s going on? Don’t bother asking the celebs, who seem as stumped as the rest of us by Hancock’s arrival. He and Walsh – who, until now, is perhaps best known for publicly snogging his dance partner on Strictly – stride into camp all bro jokes and chortles and are met with stunned looks.
“I don’t know what to say,” gasps the Corrie actor Sue Cleaver. “I can’t help thinking he should be at work,” says Moyles, referring to the fact that Hancock is still an MP and that parliament is still in session.
Beauty & the Beast review: On the way home, younger audience members re-enact scenes. There’s no higher recommendation
Matt Cooper: I’m an only child. I’ve always been conscious of not having brothers or sisters
A Dublin scam: After more than 10 years in New York, nothing like this had ever happened to me
Patrick Freyne: I am becoming a demotivational speaker – let’s all have an averagely productive December
The British government’s disastrous Covid response is brought up by Boy George in the confession booth. Had his elderly mum died during the pandemic, he says, he’d have walked from the show already. He may still walk. “Everyone is being so nice to him,” he says. “I’m not good at hiding what I feel.”
Hancock has one ally, however. He and Walsh, the two “surprise” guests parachuted in three nights into the contest, bond over their love of terrible music. Walsh has a Blink 182 tattoo on his neck – and, no, he didn’t lose a bet. Hancock, meanwhile, is a fan of Ed Sheeran. Don’t ask me to sing, he says. Please don’t sing, Matt, shriek the viewers. Matt sings. Sheeran slumbers uneasily in the deep. It’s like HP Lovecraft presenting Noel’s House Party.
Everyone is always terribly polite at the start of I’m a Celeb, which is probably why Hancock receives an essentially warm welcome. But while the other celebrities claim to be secretly horrified by his presence – how surprised are they really, given that the whole world seemed to know the identity of the “secret” guest? – surely they had their suspicions, too.
Either way, the British public is going to enjoy putting Hancock up for every bushtucker trial until he is inevitably voted off. He’s been nominated for Thursday night’s challenge – meaning more pain and madness. And that’s just us at home listening to Seann Walsh laugh. What a trip it’s been. What a trip it’s going to be. Buckle up and keep a loved-one on speed-dial. There’s no telling how weird this could get.
