Although most of us like to think of ourselves as rational decision-makers, research shows that emotions play an outsized role in negotiations. If you can't read what your counterpart is feeling and focus only on what he's saying, you're unlikely to achieve everything you could have.
Of course, experienced negotiators know how to mask their true feelings. They choose their words, tone, body language and expressions carefully. To the average observer, they often appear neutral, impassive. Or they’re able to convincingly fake an emotion if they think it will help them.
However, there's a way to read what your counterpart is feeling even if he's trying to hide it from you. The secret is to pay attention to the spontaneous, involuntary microexpressions that rapidly flit across everyone's faces at times of intense emotion.
If you know what to look for, they can provide an instant, honest window into how your counterpart feels.
In my work as a body language researcher and instructor, I’ve found that one of the key differences between exceptional negotiators and those who are average is the ability to read these microexpressions, gauge visceral reactions to ideas or proposals and strategically steer their counterparts towards a preferred outcome.
The good news is this isn’t an ability you either have or you don’t. You can learn it, and get better over time, by following some simple rules:
– Focus on the face: The next time you ask an important question in a negotiation, focus on your counterpart’s face for at least four seconds, instead of just listening to what he’s saying.
– Tell a story: Negotiators have an easier time controlling their expressions when they’re talking. So don’t ask too many open questions. Instead, describe what you want or share an anecdote about another negotiating partner who shared similar concerns and watch how their facial expressions change as they listen. Their guard will lower a little and you’ll be able to see their honest reactions.
– Present multiple options: As you present a list of choices to negotiating partners, their microexpressions will reveal which they like and which they don’t, sometimes even before they’re aware of their preferences.
Attention to microexpressions allows you to secretly respond to the feedback your negotiating partners don’t even realise they’re giving, ensuring that you stay in control of the dialogue and achieve better outcomes.
– Copyright Harvard Business Review 2016
Kasia Wezowski is the founder of the Center for Body Language.
