Anthony Hopkins’s new prestige drama has given me a great idea. It involves buttocks
Those About to Die: Anyone can achieve their dreams if their father is an emperor
Patrick Freyne columns
Those About to Die: Anyone can achieve their dreams if their father is an emperor
Instead he must play a cockney geezer with a penchant for violence but a heart of gold, over and over. He’s good at that, too
Literal fish-out-of-water dramas are short and sadly predictable but here are my figurative favourites
The behavioural-analysis unit all feel like the sort of people who can do accounts. That might be why I default to the A-Team when I try to think about them
I’m pretty sure even Joey Essex doesn’t know he’s on Love Island. He probably thinks he’s just on holiday with his family, the camera equipment
The Acolyte, Disney’s emotionally and visually flat new Star Wars spin-off, needs to stop with all the confusing lightsabre fights
With the return of Bridgerton, here’s a guide to costume drama
Patrick Freyne: Doctor Who allows adults to enjoy swashbuckling adventures without feeling patronised and allows children to access something dark and weird while feeling safe
The Netflix reality show involves glamorous ladies and hunky gentlemen quaffing champagne and talking about their problems at length
Patrick Freyne: On The Piano, she shows why she’s the best light-entertainment presenter. Jon Bon Jovi, on the other hand, is both cheesy and hammy
Patrick Freyne: Britain’s Got Talent is back, its name now less a triumphalist boast than a pleading sales pitch from a waning superpower
Patrick Freyne: Frequently it seems as if those ‘duped’ by Doireann Garrihy, Carl Mullan and Donncha O’Callaghan are playing along, much as you would indulge the tomfoolery of a child
Patrick Freyne: I’m taking the existence of this Netflix gameshow as a sign that the jig is up for the human race
Andrew Scott in Ripley and Donald Glover and Maya Erskine in Mr & Mrs Smith are among the highlights thus far
We meet Lindsay Lohan’s character Maddie on the way to a book launch as her scarf gets shut in the door of a taxi that then zooms off with it
Young Irish people are growing up with an unreasonable sense of confidence. St Patrick’s weekend is an ideal chance to correct the record
Louis Walsh and Sharon Osborne both seem grumpy. They have either been conscripted against their will under new legislation or they’re each here so they can pay an unexpected bill
Patrick Freyne: Why do Formula 1 drivers bother with expensive, uncomfortable cars? I have a cost-effective Nissan Micra that smells of Haribo Supermix
Patrick Freyne: As the singer clambers into her own heart in her musical fantasia, an uncharitable critic might suggest she is climbing up a different body part
Patrick Freyne: On Love Island – All Stars, Adam spends much of his time wearing a hat and tiny pants and little else. It’s a classic Irish look
Patrick Freyne: ‘Have all the money that you want and spend it on what you like,’ the TD would have told the majesterial Lorraine Barry
There are three people in every Room to Improve marriage if you include Dermot Bannon
Patrick Freyne: Disney+ having the beloved Artful Dodger carry out surgery is a wonderfully deranged, and actually pretty Dickensian, choice
Patrick Freyne: Oddly, none of the rebooted show’s contestants says, ‘Well, Bradley, on my days off I like to binge-watch YouTube videos while eating an obscene amount of cheese’
Patrick Freyne: The show, which stars the widest Alan in existence, is the United States’ id as expressed by a malfunctioning AI
Including the communist message of It’s a Wonderful Life, the nihilistic thuggery of Home Alone and the alternative nativity of Batman Returns
An obsessive viewer surveys a year of ups and downs and finds there was an awful lot that was worth watching
Patrick Freyne: Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is zippy, characterful and fun, but I could do better
I’d love to see Diana’s ghost go unseen to a George Michael gig or warn people about Prince Andrew
We rate this season’s advertisements for weepiness, capitalism, gluttony and liturgical correctness
Patrick Freyne: The Buccaneers is about a bunch of wild and crazy girlbosses who like to party, as Edith Wharton no doubt would have described her novel
Patrick Freyne: None of his children have the slack-jawed, sociopathic glares of the children you’re more familiar with, who can typically be found screaming for food while smashing family heirlooms
Some of the young Americans in this reality mash-up are sent to the forest, where they network and hustle and TedTalk their life stories at one another
Patrick Freyne: There’s a bit of fly-on-the-wall family domesticity, but this series is really a brand-consolidating relaunch for the former footballer
Patrick Freyne: The smartest thing George Orwell ever did was to turn his book into a reality TV show
Patrick Freyne: Anna Geary sweeps into the lives of lovelorn farmers being warmly inquisitive. We see a montage in which farmers hold lambs and say things like: ‘My dream is to have two donkeys’
Patrick Freyne: Dáithí Ó Sé and Sinead Kennedy are back on air to tell us everything is fine. Doctors could prescribe this to overstimulated teens or pets
Patrick Freyne: Dan Buettner discovers faraway lands with food safety rules and free healthcare and concludes diet and moderate exercise are the key to longevity
Patrick Freyne: Selling Super Houses and Crazy Rich Agents both feature hope-filled youngsters performing humiliating tasks for business moguls
Patrick Freyne: A year doesn’t pass without a Star War being beamed to our eyeballs. This week, with Ahsoka, it’s Rosario Dawson’s turn
Patrick Freyne: In the reality show Alone, one survivalist wants to ‘see what I’m made of’. Perhaps the bears can help
Barack Obama Plaza , Center Parcs, the Galway Races ... they’re all part of what we are, writes Patrick Freyne
Patrick Freyne: We’re here to watch diverting colourful antics involving nice bubbly people because life is hard and we’ve suffered enough
Patrick Freyne: Agent Scanlon is proceeding successfully with her mission to destabilise the British housing market
The cuddly Conservative booms for Britain as he travels the UK meeting ordinary people for the first time
Patrick Freyne: In Netflix’s fantasy series a witcher is a job, with a high-points course you can probably still do at Trinity College Dublin
It has been a fine year on the telly with some memorable dramas and comedies
Deceitful robots hoodwink and toy with the affections of blameless sea beasts with David Tennant’s tacit approval
Patrick Freyne: These newcomers are but hunk-shaped shadows on the wall of Plato’s cave. They’re like hunky ashes in my mouth
Patrick Freyne: A compelling protagonist going from town to town solving crimes is my favourite TV trope
Patrick Freyne: Johnny Depp’s daughter gets off with a charismatic sex pest played by The Weeknd in a by-the-numbers industry satire
Patrick Freyne: It was inevitable Arnold Schwarzenegger would return to murder people while saying catchphrases in a flat monotone
Patrick Freyne: It’s Ryan Tubridy’s final Late Late Show tonight. Here’s everything the new host needs to know for guaranteed success
Patrick Freyne: We frequently watch the crew in grainy night vision while they share berths and snog. This is fine. I’m sure it’s healthy for us
Crosswords & puzzles to keep you challenged and entertained
Inquests into the nightclub fire that led to the deaths of 48 people
How does a post-Brexit world shape the identity and relationship of these islands
Weddings, Births, Deaths and other family notices