Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘Women’s toilets? I mean, what’s next? A hockey pitch?’

As Castlerock prepares to go co-ed, Ross and his dad pay a visit to the principal

‘You lifted the Leinster Schools Senior Cup – does that mean nothing to you now’

Ross O’Carroll Kelly gets a tap on the shoulder at the bor in Dublin Airport

‘Oh, please, God, no. I can’t become a father again at, like, 42’

Ross O’Carroll Kelly: Sorcha wants to talk to the doctor alone, it can only mean one thing

‘Oh my God,’ Honor goes, ‘there’s a focking horse in the gorden!’

Yeah, no, I bought a racehorse, but it’s not for Honor – it’s for my old school’s honour

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: One last time into the Six Nations breach with the old man

I say it every year. I can’t go through another championship sitting next to the old focker

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘I thought Pythagoras was something the Greeks dipped their bread in’

Ross has announced he’s going into business, but Sorcha is not sure he’s up to it

Ross O’Carroll Kelly: ‘I’m throwing up - a pavement pizza with everything on it’

Ross’s attempt to prove his prepartions for Toronto marathon are on track end badly

Listen up: ‘My old man’s changed since he found that Denis O’Brien wig. Or everyone else has?’

Listen up: ‘I watched “The Exorcist” thinking, why can’t we have a nice, normal daughter like that?’

‘They’re trying to turn this country’s elite schools into young offenders’ institutions, teaching metalwork and joyriding’

‘You want him to die with that knowledge? Castlerock College taking in the unwashed masses’