They're a generous bunch Arsenal, no doubt. Their offer to house the Premiership trophy for a year, while Manchester United complete the construction of tier 33 of their trophy cabinet, was all the more magnanimous a gesture considering they will have to spend weeks clearing away the cobwebs around the entrance into their little trophy room.

But then generosity abounded in the Premiership last week. What can you say about Blackburn and Wimbledon, conceding 10 goals between them to Arse-one-nil, thus putting a dent in that theory about English football being so competitive. "Ye were brutal," said Pat Kenny to Kenny Cunningham on his show on Saturday night. "Ah, we were worse than that Pat," admitted the Wimbledon captain, after his side's 5-0 defeat at Highbury earlier in the day. Perhaps what Blackburn and Wimbledon need is a master motivator in charge. Someone who will send them into action in a state of frenzy, guaranteed to bring the very best out of them. They could have their choice between Ted Walsh, horse trainer and RTE commentator, or Jim Telfer, coach to the Lions' forwards on the tour of South Africa last year.

Ted and Jim use very different approaches, but they're both effective. Ted tends to use the `you're only a big wuss' line with his charges before they go into battle; Jim adopts the demeanour of a Southern Baptist minister preaching hell, fire and brimstone. And asks for a drop or two of blood to be spilt, preferably that of his charges' opponents. "We'll be baying for blood and let's hope it's f***ing Springbok blood . . . from now on the kid gloves are off, it bare-knuckled f***ing stuff and at the end of the day only the man who stands on his feet wins the f***ing battle," we heard him `advise' his players before a Test match, on UTV's Living with the Lions last Monday night, the flyon the-wall documentary that followed the team around South Africa.

For those of us still trying to work out what inspired Bath's Kevin Yates to (allegedly) bite a chunk out of Simon Fenn's ear in a match against London Scottish last year, Living with the Lions might have provided the answer. Is this how all rugby players are motivated before they take to the field? If it is, it's hardly any wonder then that so many matches, including some of the ones on the Tour last summer, feature some nauseating acts of violence. Frightening too in a sport that sees so many serious injuries. In one scene, filmed before the second Test, we saw Telfer looking on approvingly as Keith Wood described the images in his head in the build-up to the match. "I've been seeing their (the South African scrum) eyes for the last three or four days and I want to see the f***ing pain in their eyes."

"I want a f***ing opportunity . . . I want du Randt running with the ball. And I want to pick him up - 100 and whatever f***ing kilos he is - and I'm gonna shove his head in the f***ing ground . . . if I can f***ing kill the opposite numbers that come against me I'll f***ing do it, and that's been buzzing through my veins for the last three or four days."

Clearly one of the Orange Free State players, in an earlier match, had similar feelings buzzing through his veins before he almost brought Will Greenwood's career (and life) to a premature end by shoving him head first in to the ground, resulting in the English player being stretchered unconscious off the pitch. It's unlikely that Ted Walsh asked his horse Papillon to shove any of his opponents' heads "into the f***ing ground" during the Grand National at Fairyhouse last Monday. That's because Ted uses a very different kind of sports psychology to ensure he gets 110 per cent effort. "Auld Papillon's inclined to be a little bit chicken and if things go wrong for him he'll throw in the towel a bit quick," he told the viewing public on Monday. "A great-looking horse he is - a bit like the good-looking male, shows off well but when you put the gun to his head there's not a whole lot there."

So, with the gun of public humiliation pointed at his head, Papillon responded by running a stirring race, only pipped on the line by BobbyJo. Ted's own brand of psychology worked a treat.

"He was a real man today . . . he was absolutely magic, jumped like a stag. When he's good he's very good - he's like the little girl with the curl. When she's good she's very good and when she's bold she's horrible, he's a bit the same way," said Ted, in his own unique way. "He ran straight as a gun barrel, didn't lose anything in defeat . . . except the first prize-money. Who knows, after that performance Papillon might even be offered an advertising contract with a shampoo company. Like Derry City's Darren Kelly, who told Network Two's The Soccer Show of his new found fame last Wednesday night. "I just happened to go up to head a ball and next thing I knew I'd got a phone call to ask if it was okay for the photo of me to be used for Wash 'n' Go. Hair, like," he explained.

Be warned though Darren, an association with hair products has been the kiss-of-death for footballers so far this season. Jason McAteer? ("When Jason plays people watch, and when people are watching the one thing he won't tolerate is dandruff"). Lost his place in the Liverpool team. David Beckham? (Brylcream). Arsenal and Monaco. David Ginola? ("New L'Oreal Elvive shampoo - for me it has ze winning formula. Elvive keeps my 'air clean, shineee and controllible - it does ze job"). Three words. Spurs. Division. One.