Have you ever noticed that it's usually the ones who whinge loudest about the amount of media coverage given over to Manchester United who are the very ones who fill most of their allotted newspaper space writing about them?

I could never figure that one out. It's not as if all other sporting events and issues have been shelved in the past few months to compel them to concentrate on all things United.

Granted, these people fill their space by blaming the club for the decline of modern civilisation as we know it and sneering at their supporters for being uncool enough to get a tad passionate about recent on-field events, but still, they choose to fill their space by writing about them. Then again, it's so much cooler to sneer than cheer, isn't it? (Passion mixed with sport? Perish the thought!).

It's not that they're even supporters of domestic football, in fact they're not really supporters of anything or anyone because it seems to be beyond their comprehension why one would devote a bit of love and enthusiasm to a football team.

(And Jaysus lads, whatever you do, don't display your allegiances by wearing a replica shirt in front of these refined creatures, it offends their sensibilities - highly strung, y'know?).

Now, in fairness, some non-United followers lambaste the club and their supporters with humour, wit and style - but they're the ones who at least support other teams with a bit of feeling and therefore have the ability to fully understand why even United supporters display a range of emotions in the course of a hellishly tense match.

The rest, though (the ones who take themselves alarmingly seriously and wear a supercilious smirk on their faces as they scribble about United followers), write with such pomposity that you have to wonder, what is their problem? Why are they so bitter? What evidence can they produce to prove they are a higher form of being than the United fan they spot in the pub? And have they ever thought about seeking help to cure their inclination to condescend?

The irony is that they're the very ones who snigger at Irish fans for getting worked up about a team from Manchester, but at the same time display a violent loathing of United (eh, a team from Manchester) that any native Mancunian City fan would be proud of. Janie lads, relax, "get a life", as young people today would put it. It's a very tedious bandwagon you've leapt on to.

I'd hazard a guess that they and their mates nearly choked on their own begrudgery when they watched Roy Keane lift the Premiership trophy last Sunday afternoon (having only just ended their celebrations following Denis Irwin's sending-off against Liverpool, the one that ruled him out of today's FA Cup final).

But boy, did they whoop and cheer and sneer when they read about Keane's arrest in Manchester on Monday night. If there's one thing this breed can't stomach it's a successful, wealthy, young Irishman who's widely regarded as one of the best in his profession. God, they resent that. Resent it with almost as much passion as that displayed by the replica-shirt-wearing supporters they deride.

Mind you, the smirks on their faces drained away a little when they read the follow-up reports on the incident in the Manchester nightclub. Drat, could Keane possibly have been the victim of the "quick, ring the Sun before you ring the police" pair he "violently assaulted"? Flip. Never mind, "he's successful, wealthy, young and Irish and captain of Manchester United - we'll hate him anyway, regardless of the facts (might even boo him next time he plays at Lansdowne Road)".

The other thing about this shower is that they claim the United followers they spot in their local are just fashion victims and will bin their replica shirts once the club hits hard times.

It's an interesting theory, but history suggests that it's one that holds as much water as your average thimble and one that suggests these people are talking through their rear ends. Do they really believe United have only gained a huge following in Ireland in the last decade? Where were they before 1993, when United won the first Premiership title? I take it they were never on board a Liverpoolbound ferry from the North Wall in the 1970s, around the time United were relegated to the old second division (in 1974). On board? United fans everywhere, looking forward to the next day's home game against Blackpool, Orient or York City. Glory hunters? Mmm, that was a peculiar bandwagon to mount.

Funnily enough the average age of the Manchester-bound United fans leaving from Dublin airport last Sunday morning seemed to me to be about 35 to 40. Any of the ones I spoke to could recall ferry trips to the North Wall in the 1970s to see home games against Blackpool, Orient or York City. In other words, they were supporters who'd followed their team through the hard times (Ooops . . . is that uncool too?).

As for the emotional (Snigger! Imagine getting excited about a title-deciding game! How uncool!) United fans in Irish pubs last Sunday afternoon, do these emotion-free chaps really think these supporters wouldn't have liked to have been at Old Trafford? And how, do they suggest, could they have got their hands on tickets for the game? Exactly.

And, they suggest, if you're a United follower and you watch them on the big screen in the pubs (low life louts!) you know little and care less about football. Oh dear. Know little and care less about football? If the cap fits ye true fashion slaves, if the cap fits.