YOU’VE BEEN slaving in the Golf Masters’ kitchen for years, experimenting with your ingredients, trying to find the perfect combination, but you’re still no closer to hitting upon a dish that is palatable, never mind one worthy of a Michelin star or three.

So, how do you win the Golf Masters?

Well, if you follow the Fionnuala Murnaghan recipe, ably assisted by her commis chef Tony, then it’s really very simple. But as is always the case with cooking, timing is everything: replace one ingredient with another at the wrong time and you may as well empty your creation in to the dog bowl.

So, following Fionnuala’s example, start out with your basic ingredients: Michael Hoey, Tiger Woods, Steve Flesch, Chez Reavie, David Howell, Brett Quigley and David Drysdale.

Woods, of course, is the tastiest component of the dish, but Hoey and Quigley, while less rewarding and perhaps a little less exciting, are your spuds: they must remain in the pot from start to finish.

But, at this point, you might detect a little blandness, so you might add a touch of Thai, replacing Reavie with Chapchai Nirat, when the Tour heads east. You conclude, though, that the Thai flavour doesn’t quite work, so you dispense with Nirat and introduce a little je ne sais quoi to the culinary extravaganza in the form of Thomas Levet.

You then arm yourself with a high quality carving knife (use with care) and remove the Flesch from the bones of the dish, replacing him with Lucas Glover – and then sit back and bask in the glow of the American winning the US Open.

Time, then, to stir things up: strain Drysdale from the pot and add a liberal sprinkling of Danny Willett.

You might err at this stage – you might, perhaps, swap Woods for Lee Westwood when the former is having a break, but quickly realise Westwood is adding little or nothing to the dish. But fear not, you haven’t made a meal of it, the situation can be rescued: just swiftly reverse the ingredients’ transfer.

Taste. Still lacking a little ooh la la? No problem, just replace Howell with Raphael Jacquelin.

Just a fortnight to go before the kitchen is closed and you have three ingredient transfers left. Levet’s resting up, so time to replace him with some Welsh rarebit: Bradley Dredge.

In to the last week, two transfers left. The Americans can’t help you now, so adieu to Woods and Glover, and hello to Rory McIlroy and Miguel Angel Jimenez who, between them, help season the dish so perfectly it’s simply delicious. Add in Dredge and the combined earnings at the European Open from the last three ingredients introduced to the pot are €269,625.

See?

Easy. Fionnuala, you might conclude, is the Golf Masterchef for 2009.