We converged on the middle east central air exchange of Dubai early yesterday morning to board our red-eye overnight flight back to London. With Tour Production staff (television), players and caddies, we almost filled the plane. It was like the end of a long school outing, everyone tired after two weeks exile in the Desert.
Some caddies had arrived in Dubai without work. Four of them ended up not caddying the first week due to lack of bags. It's one of those weeks where expenses are a little higher and some players cut costs by taking local, thus cheaper, caddies. We had also arrived in time for the opening of the Dubai Shopping festival, so any spare cash was being saved on this splurge.
The cluster of cads that ended up on an enforced holiday consisted of a interesting bunch all with nick-names. By Wednesday evening "The Foot", "The Elbow", "The Lip" and "The Brain", had all resigned themselves to being unemployed. The caddie shack is not slow to rename colleagues with what it considers more appropriate titles.
"The Brain" received his sobriquet not for his lack of intelligence, on the contrary he is a crossword and quiz expert. But his appearance would lead you to believe that he actually would not know what day of the week it is. He has a somewhat dumbfounded expression on his heavy jowled face. He had plenty of time to spend at the horse-races. After witnessing Sheikh Maktoum's "Dubai Millennium" romp home in one race he proclaimed in the locker room the next day with his timely stutter "it would have won pu-pulling a milk float". "The Brain" conducts his conversations in analogue, closing his eyes momentarily mid-sentence and raising his chin when indicating there is no reply to his last comment - end of conversation.
"The Foot", so named due to a slightly straying left foot, instantly recognisable from a distance on the course was also left to sit out the first week in the desert. "The Foot" has got a good voice and sang professionally before he devoted himself to looping. If ever there is an opportunity on tour to break into song, then "The Foot" is first to the microphone. Thus he also goes under the alias of "The Singing Foot".
"The Lip" received his name because of an unfortunate protruding and sagging lower lip, which gives him a miserable appearance. "The Elbow" has a badly set right arm which is patently obvious from two fairways away. He would also be recognised as "The Spanish Fiddler". So Dubai was a bad week for the body. All the above managed to line up work for the following event in Qatar.
Dubai is the trend setter of the Arab states. With a relatively relaxed approach to Western customs, of the two weeks out there, this is the one that has more off course activities on offer to the outsider used to his occidental ways. Qatar on the other hand does not hold too much interest outside the tournament. Members and volunteers offered to host a number of caddies in Doha.
So many of us were enjoying the comforts of home in Qatar. With an alcohol quota system operating, some of the hosts managed to deplete their monthly ration in the space of a week, having underestimated the caddies thirst after a days looping. It's certainly an unusual, but welcome situation that members feel privileged to host the caddies. The tournament is obviously the highlight of their golfing calendar. With neighbours in the Emirates expanding their golfing horizons and setting a high standard for the rest of the gulf, you get the feeling that Qatar is aware of its number two status as a golfing destination but makes up for whatever it lacks with warm hospitality.
Allah is worshipped several times a day. With a Mosque situated on every corner, you are never far from one. The first Imam's call echoes out at 4.25 a.m. in Qatar which coincided with the early caddie call to work. With first tee-off times at 6.30 a.m. the call to prayer coincided perfectly with our early call to the links. The "shamal" (desert wind) blew ferociously all week leaving no doubt as to why Arabs wear what appears to many as unnecessary layers of cloth on their head. We returned to the clubhouse daily feeling we had been sand-blasted for half-a-day. Titleist are considering a logoed dish-dash for next year!
There is a golfer on Tour who is noted for his less than generous spending habits. The caddie shack were quick to label him with "Johnny Cash" for a nick-name, as his christian name is John. His caddie "Blackie" was given his marching orders last week with a recital of some appropriate lines from "A Boy Named Sue". "The world is rough and a man's gotta be tough if he's going to make it, and you won't be there to help me along", Blackie was not lamenting his dismissal, happy that he had secured the most lyrical sacking of the year, so far.
