Day Four.
"Good evening," says Des. Hello there! (Well, you have to talk to SOMEONE during the World Cup). "So this is your third World Cup match today," he says. Yep, sure is Des - brill, eh? "Are you sure you've got a completely rounded life," he asks. A rounded wha?
Heard a man on the radio on Day Four complaining about the amount of World Cup coverage on RTE. Couldn't agree more. It's a disgrace. Network Two was on air for 19 hours on Day Four (or `Saturday', as sad non-footie fans called it) and only NINE were given over to football. Sick or what?
So, the build-up to Spain v Nigeria was made up of programmes like Rupert the Bear, Rugrats, Mighty Ducks and Superman. Not ideal preparation, in anyone's book, although at least we learnt the source of some of Bobby Robson's post-match analysis thoughts.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Sunday Oliseh, the man who made the world and the World Cup a beautiful place on Day Four by topping a blissful game of football with an equally blissful goal for Nigeria. That old U2 ditty, Sunday Bloody Sunday, probably got an airing or two on Spanish radio after the match.
South Korea v Mexico. "The one thing for sure today, Clive, is that when we see a Mexican Wave it really will be a Mexican wave," said a chuckling Kevin Keegan. He did, honest.
(Did you see the `Blanco Boing', as Barry Venison described it? "All the kids will be trying that in their back gardens now," he said.)
Watched Holland v Belgium covered in plaster of paris from head to toe, after attempting the `Blanco Boing' in the back garden. Impaled myself on top of the clothes-line pole and had to be removed by the fire brigade. "Your playing days are over, love," one of them said. "Go back to your telly." `Right', I agreed.
And what a game it was between Belgium and Holland! End to end stuff. Finished up 7-6 for Holland with Hasselbaink scoring a last minute hat-trick. Both sides threw caution to the wind. Nothing on their minds but the desire to entertain US, the viewers. Exhilarating. Then I woke up in my chair. Ten games in four days was taking its toll. And Premiership footballers complain about three in a week. "Don't worry, you missed nothing," promised Bill.
Later that night, The Reggae Boyz, Channel Four, followed the Jamaican squad through their build-up to France. Wonderful stuff. Try and imagine this: the Minister for Sport, Jim McDaid, visits the Irish squad as they prepare for the World Cup finals. "How are things going Hartey," he'd say. "D'ere cool mon, cool," Ian Harte would reply. "Wicked mon, wicked," the Minister would answer, before high-fiving all the lads. Except, of course, it was the Jamaican Minister for Sport who was visiting the Reggae Boyz. Wicked stuff.
Walter Boyd, we learnt, was temporarily dropped from the squad for being too laid-back. If Walter is more laid back than his team mates he must have died 12 years ago.
World Cup Encore, UTV, 12.10 am. You'd need a wide screen telly to fit in all of Jim Rosenthal's grin. He was joined by Tel, Big Ron and Barnsie. Big Ron previewed Jamaica's World Cup debut against Croatia. "Croatia are the great under-achievers," he said of the nation that's only been a nation for eight years. Janie Ron, give them a bit more time to under-achieve.
"But they've got some big talents - if people like Boksic get hot they could be a surprise packet," he continued. (Someone tell Ron that Boksic isn't in the Croatian squad. Quick).
Day Five. Saw my obituary in the paper, just before Argentina v Japan started. Why were the Argentinian fans singing "Oh Andy Cole, Andy Andy Andy Cole," all the way through the match? Or was it "Oh Gab-ri-el, Gab-ri Gabri Gab-ri-el", the man who will replace Colie at Old Trafford next season? OUCH! A flying pig just hit me on the head.
Yugoslavia v Iran. At halftime Des gave us a guided tour of the Parisian skyline. "Have you been in the Louvre at all since you've been here," he asked Ally McCoist. "I have, I was bursting earlier on, I tell you," said Ally. He did, honest.
Jamaica v Croatia. Robbie Earle's goal? Wicked. They lost though. And as Bryan Robson told Steve Cram on Eurosport the other day: "If you keep getting beat you've got no chance." No flies on our Robbo. Roll on Day Six.
